It’s no surprise to me that, when I speak on leadership, audience members will approach me after and relay their astonishment that I was a Military Officer. That “my positive brand of leadership” is not indicative with what they knew or what they had experienced from the military. It’s no surprise because during my military career, I felt like a round peg trying to fit into a square hole. After years of trying to “fit in” and years of being uncomfortable, I took a cue from Frankie, lead “My Way” and practiced my own brand of “Peopleship.” Our policies, plans and procedures are important as long as those people who implement them are “on board.” People make the ship move. People make the process work. It’s people that make the workplace bearable. Unfortunately, it’s the people that are most forgotten when thinking about mission. The key to Peopleship is to un-think, un-learn, and un-plan our daily interactions with our team and focus in on the connection - linking yourself to them, each other, and then the mission. Peopleship is not about theory, it’s about being:

Unconventional

The only thing anyone has ever been able to expect from me as a leader is that, in any given situation, I was going to do something unexpected. Ranging from working along side them doing the most menial of tasks to challenging them to chair races down the passageway. If we want new paradigms of conformity - paradigms of connection and free thinking, then the rules have to be broken. We have to break the rules of “how we do things around here” and get to new possibilities. Let’s face it, we (as human beings) love the status quo. We love knowing what comes next. We love the homeostasis that comes with life. As time passes, this results in each day becoming a repeat of the day before and we can quickly end up in a mind numbing cycle of monotonous mire - zapping creativity, productivity, and connections. Unconventionality shakes the status quo and brings connection, depth in our relationships, and new possibilities.

Unscripted

Perception is not reality. Reality is reality. None of us are perceived as we perceive ourselves. We all have visions of what a leader is, what a leader does, how a leader acts and these schemas cause us to focus in on the scripts of what a leader should say and managing other’s perceptions of us rather than really trying to be in the moment with a team member. Unscripting our interactions enables us to connect.

One of my best supervisors was a relentless taskmaster. Every morning we would meet and we would go over the endless list of things that needed to be done and, every morning, I would leave knowing that I’d never be able to get them all accomplished. What made me try so hard to hit the mark (time and time again) was our relationship. Although we met every day, once a week we met, drank coffee, and just talked about “things.” We went off the script and discussed my family, his family, trials, triumphs - whatever came up because it was totally unscripted. He not only cared about how I did, he cared for me. That wasn’t perception, it was reality. Going off the script allows us to learn about our team members as people, connect with them, and move forward.

Unrelenting

Service to one another isn’t just another “thing” we should be doing, it’s the main thing. We should be unrelenting in our pursuit of taking care of our team and in our commitment to improving the overall quality of work life. This is a combination of knowing what is important to our people, rewarding the hard work they do and also helping them keep things in balance.

For me, there are two types of people in the world. There are people that think about doing things (but never act) and there are those that actually do things. Service to one another is something that is done. Yes, we think about it but it’s the action that has meaning. Be unrelenting in your service to your team and improving the quality of work life - serve until it hurts and then….serve some more!

Peopleship isn’t about theory, it’s about being undeniably awesome as a leader. It’s about doing it “Your Way!” Being you, being real, and working to connect with your team. Peopleship is sometimes reflective, sometimes strategic but is always authentic. Today’s workforce and work environment is dynamic and continually changing. If we want to move past the paradigms that we’ve grown up on how to lead and compete in today’s world, it takes people. Focus your efforts on being unconventional, unscripted, and unrelenting - the investment you make in connecting with your team will bring returns you have never been capable of even dreaming for in your results.

I sat there, nearly giddy as a young school girl, as the Admiral announced that nearly all of my wants for my division were about to be granted….funding, manpower, training. At that moment when my ideas became reality, I knew exactly how Dr. Frankenstein felt as he screamed, “IT’S ALIVE!! ALIVE I TELL YOU!!”

When you’ve put your heart and soul into an initiative, you can’t help but feel some personal gratification when it comes to fruition. Even, if you don’t get the credit. NOT GETTING THE CREDIT!? What is that about? When something is for the good of the team and/or the organization, it doesn’t make a difference where the credit goes, as long as the initiative gets done. What I’ve found in 25 years of working in (and leading teams) is that ideas have to be set free and enabled to take on a life of their own. Especially if you need others to get the job done. Bringing life to an idea is more about letting go then holding on. Here are the strategies I use to make this happen:

Give It Up

Much like a mother bird tosses her chick out of the nest when it’s ready, so must a good idea to tossed out to the team to be taken up, built on, and given wings. I’ve had a lot of GREAT ideas in my life. I’m not talking just good ideas…I am referring to fantastic ideas! Many of which I’ve held on to way too long. I fed them too long, held them too long, and let them stay around too long. So long, in fact, that (as the idea grew) it got too big for just one to manage but no one knew how to handle it but me (and it wasn’t nearly as cute as it was when it was younger) - resulting in its possible demise (due to it being too hard to handle or my hating it). Holding on too long stifles the overall growth, development, and progression of an idea. Giving an idea up gives it motion, momentum, and creativity - enabling it to move forward.

Talk It Up

If I have thrown an idea out of the nest and allowed it to take flight, I can’t just abandon it. It may sound a bit cliché’ or corny, but I must be the wing beneath its wings by talking it up at every opportunity. Even though I am proud, I can’t run around saying, “Did you see my chick? Isn’t she darling? Don’t you just love her?” Instead, I must support from all sides by gently monitoring where it goes and whispering to all how it is doing, what support it needs, and how others can help the flight. This can be a difficult task. When pride runs too deep, egos run too high, and the wind that gets blown is too fierce, the idea will plummet to the earth and die. A gentle breeze beneath the wings is all that is needed to keep it airborne. Surround it with support.

Prop It Up

Barriers can get in the way of any ideas new flight. It could be a strong gust from another direction or a huge tree right in the path of flight. The question is, what can be done to remove those barriers? Some may be removed through talking it up but some may take a little more savvy. It might require a compromise or to ask something to get out of the way. It might even require you take a chain saw and cut the tree out of the way. Think through the flight plan of this idea, prop it up, and provide as clear of a path as possible.

In a team, the life and flight of an idea might start with you. However, if you want to see it through, it’s important to remember to initiate, don’t lead. Give it up, talk it up, and prop it up - give the idea the support needed for it to fly. If it is a truly great idea, it will. If not, and you take it upon yourself to raise, you might end up with a overweight, 30 year old idea living with you that eats you out of house and home. The choice is yours! I think you’ll find that many hands make for lighter work and greater results.

Yes, I still believe in super heroes! In a quick straw poll of the members of my household on what superpower they would want if given the opportunity, I was quite surprised with the answers. I had two that wanted to fly, one that wanted to be invisible, one that wanted to be able to read another’s thoughts, and one that wanted to control another’s thoughts. When I was growing up, I often thought about what it would be like to be a superhero, didn’t you? What would I do? What kind of super hero would I be? I was always drawn to those who didn’t have powers but, instead, leveraged what they had in order to make the world a better place. Of course I admired Batman but, more often, I found myself pretending that I was Steve Austin, the astronaut that had been “re-tooled” with bionics after his tragic wreck and was transformed into the “Six Million Dollar Man.”

The opening sequence of that fantastic 70’s show opens showing a horrific crash and then a narrator saying, “Steve Austin, astronaut; a man barely alive…” and ends with head scientist, Oscar Goldman, laying out the plan, ” Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology….we can make him better, stronger, faster than before.” Even today, this show still appeals to me. For me, even as an adult, it tugs at the question of what kind of superhero I am and how can I leverage what I have so I can contribute more. Not that I am not good but, like many, can feel the stress of life and feel like any man, barely alive. But each of us has the technology to rebuild - to make ourselves better, stronger and, yes, faster than before.

Being Better
There are many things I am good at but there are a LOT more that I would like to be better at. With competing demands and resources, it can be easy to fall into a trap of trying to do everything and be everything. I am sure I am not alone in feeling the super hero pull to do it all, have it all and be everything to everybody. It’s not impossible to do but it can strip you of your super powers. I equate it to when a restaurant goes from having some key specialty dishes to serving a buffet. When you switch to a buffet, the overall quality degrades just a little and the experience is not as great. Being better is taking time to reflect on what’s important, investing in your own development and choosing how you will use your superpowers. CHOICE!? I have a choice? Yes! Being better is getting rid of the buffet and getting back to your specialty dishes. You can’t save everyone but you CAN save yourself!

Being Stronger
Superman had Lex Luthor, Batman had the Penguin, and Spiderman had the Goblin. Just as every superhero has his arch villain, you have yours and I have mine. Even Steve Austin fought the powers of the bionic Big Foot who was sometimes friend, sometimes foe (but that’s a whole different article). What (or who) is your archenemy? It could be finances, food, marital problems, or any myriad of other issues/people that knock you down, lock you up, and calculate how to expose your weaknesses so that it will result in your ultimate failure. The lesson we can take from our superheroes is that they ALWAYS prevailed. The power of your good is always greater than the evil forces at large. Being stronger is the realization that, no matter whom (or what) we face, you can dig deep and overcome it. It could be with the help of your superfriends or with the help of something supernatural. Regardless, the super hero phrase you can write on a post-it and plaster everywhere to remind yourself is:

“I ‘M > it”
(Translation: “I AM greater than it!”)
You are greater than any foe you face because you can leverage your own super powers to overcome it. Dig deep and send it back to the fiery depths of hell whence it came.

Faster Than Before
Faster for me doesn’t mean the speed at which I travel, leap over buildings or the speed with which I save the damsel in distress. For me (and I can only speak for me), it is about being faster to appreciate the countless blessings, joys, and wonders that fill my life. It is about being faster to be kind, faster to spontaneously appreciate the people in my life that make it worthwhile, and faster to slow things down so I can savor the moment. It’s easy to get caught up in the negativity of the world, see what is going wrong, and let it sap my super powers. Super heroes look for what is going right, who is doing right, and how they can contribute to the larger good. Be faster every day in being present and positive. It helps with both being stronger and better!

Now don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t mind being able to fly, see through walls, or even able to shoot webs from my wrists and sail through the city. However, I think we are all superheroes in our own way and we can strengthen our positive foothold in the world and defeat evil by leveraging the gifts we already have. I can be better, stronger, and faster! I have that technology and so do you! So step up, step out, and make a difference!

I love a good mystery, don’t you? Some of my favorite Sunday afternoons as a kid were spent watching Sherlock Holmes or Charlie Chan use their super sleuth skills to solve the most complex of crimes and, ultimately, save the world from complete annihilation. However great contemplating classic capers have been for me, having a mysterious leader has never been as entertaining. In fact, it can quickly become a horror show. Have you ever worked for a person whose reaction to situations would sway from one extreme to another depending on who was around, which way the wind was blowing, or if they had gotten a prime parking spot that morning? Well, you are not alone because I have had the displeasure of working with (and for) “Bi-polar Bob” and “Wacky Wanda” as well. Working with questions, inconsistency, and conundrums erode the trust needed to keep morale high, move the team forward, and weather the trials that many of our teams are facing.

When examining relationships, there should be no mystery - at home, work, or play. If you are the last person to know about bad situations or feel like you’re the last resort, there is probably a reason. The question to ask is, “Am I building Covenants or breaking them?” A covenant is a relationship of trust. It signifies that, no matter what, you act in accordance with your beliefs and that your teammate can count on that consistency. There are no questions and there is no guessing on how you will sail because you are sure and steady. This starts with your own reflections on what you believe, where you stand, and is manifested in how you behave. To build everyday covenants (and keep the mysteries at a minimum), I continually strive to stay consistent by taking the time to periodically reflect on three things: statements of purpose, statements of intent, and congruency between the two. Although you may not be able to change others around you, you can change your behaviors and reactions to those around you.

What Are My Statements of Purpose?

Statements of purpose manifest from the core of my being. Above all, they are what I value and what “I Believe.” For me, I believe in honesty, integrity, family, love, laughter, and the innate goodness of the human spirit. I also believe that each person has been given a purpose on this big, blue, wet ball and with that purpose, a responsibility to ease the burden of others, not to make it heavier. Those values are the rudder by which I live my life. Take a moment to reflect on yours. What are your statements of purpose? What do you believe? Where do you stand? If it’s a mystery to you, then it will surely be a mystery to others!

What Are My Statements of Intent?

Statements of intent are different from things that you “can do” (there are a lot of things that each of us can do). Statements of intent are things that you WILL DO! My statements of intent include that I WILL:

Treat others with dignity and respect

Put the needs of the ones I love before my own

Take myself lightly and find the humor in life

Be honest with myself and others

When I’ve taken the time to reflect and intentionally write them down, they become my personal “manifesto” on how I will deal with people, situations, and also they become a roadmap of how I will live my life. What are the things that you WILL do? There is great power in knowing what your statements of intent are, writing them down and speaking them out loud. Do yourself that favor!

Are The Two Congruent?

The last thing I reflect on is if my beliefs and actions are congruent with each other. If they are, then there will be NO mystery to anyone on how I will (or would) respond in a situation. If there is, something is amiss. Either I don’t really believe what I’ve stated as my purpose or the intent doesn’t match the belief. I like to equate it to when people say they “want” something. If you want something, that means you are taking steps towards your goal. If you aren’t taking those steps, then you really don’t want it. It’s just a nicety. The same goes with purpose and intent. If you say you believe something but don’t actively live it, you don’t really believe it. The two must be congruent or you’ll be swayed, mysteries will continue and covenants will be broken.

It’s not that I don’t like surprises, I do. I like the spontaneity that keeps relationships fresh, vibrant and how it can propel a team to new possibilities. But, I know I am not alone when I state that I don’t like the mystery of how you’ll react if I come to you with less than favorable news. There are no mysteries within the covenants that are built with others; there is only openness, loyalty, and trust. That’s what is being built every day in relationships - as long as you are living your values and openly sharing them with those within your circle. Step Up and Invest Yourself Today!

When I first joined the Navy I, like every young Sailor, went through the required training to learn how to fight and prevent fires. Twenty years later, I still remember that you need 3 elements to create a fire - oxygen, heat, and fuel. Take one of them away and the fire is gone and so is the chemical reaction. The same principles apply igniting the passions of your team. To get the chemical reaction needed to catapult you to new heights of creativity, productivity, and teamwork, you need the oxygen of communication, the heat of a “can” attitude, and the fuel of “will” actions.

The Oxygen of Communication

No one on the team likes to be treated like a mushroom (kept in the dark). People like to know what is going on and how they contribute. Moreover, they want to know you and want you to know them. This can’t be done from behind a computer screen, via text message, or voicemail. It takes leadership by walking around - getting to truly know the team. I once had a boss that did all of his communication electronically. In two years of working for him, he only came back to my office twice. He didn’t know me, he didn’t know my team, and we were not connected. However eloquent and masterful you are at weaving words on “paper,” nothing replaces face to face when connecting with people. That connection is at the heart of “fanning the flame.” It breathes life into it - it says that each person matters, what they do matters, and that you (as a leader) care. Breath deep and fan the flame, it takes ample oxygen to get the fire going.

The Heat of a “Can” Attitude

The word “yes” provides the most intense heat when cultivating a “can” attitude! Yes we can! A “can” leader looks at the world in possibilities, not probabilities. There are plenty of people out there who will readily sound off about how things can’t be done and, just as readily, tell you why things won’t work. This cools the atmosphere so rapidly that nothing will ignite. A “can” leader looks for how things will work. “Can” leaders heat the atmosphere powerfully with their positive outlook, ability to dream, and vision of what can be. Discarding the negative elements that can retard combustion, they forge ahead with insight and ability. An intense “can” attitude heats everything around it and its energy can be harnessed to overcome the worst elements. Be intense, be hot, and heat up everything around you with “can” attitude!

The Fuel of “Will” Actions

Without the fuel of “will” actions, oxygen and heat just make hot air. “Will” actions model the way for the team. They say that not only do you talk the talk; you (as a leader) also walk it. “Will” actions show the team that the burden of forging forward is not theirs alone - it is everyone’s responsibility to get fuel for the fire and you lead the way. The first steps, the risk and the willingness to work along side team members are all fundamental “will” actions fuel that will motivate, inspire, and energize! As leaders, we must continually feed the flame with these fuels to keep it hot, intense, and brilliant! Step up and stand out! The actions are yours to take and yours to model. Feed that fire!

Any two of these elements may give you “smolder” but it takes all three to ignite a fire and get the chemical reaction needed to achieve new levels of greatness. Don’t misunderstand, there will be storms and other elements that may attempt to douse your fire but if you have built it strong, high and continual, it will continue to burn in the roughest of conditions. Walk the talk - your attitude will show that you can and your actions show that you will! Build it big, build it high, and keep the fire going!