The basketball tipped off the top of John’s fingers and, seemingly in slow motion, arced high up in the air and descended down into my chubby little hands. WHAT!? I had the ball!? I looked up, ball in hand, as a pack of much taller, athletic classmates ran to surround me (as a pack of ravenous wolves would surround a pug with a piece of meat). Surrounded, outnumbered, short, and never having had the ball before, I panicked and yelled, “BACK UP! My contact just popped out!” Immediately, the crowd stepped back and started looking down to see it. Now, completely open, I turned and took the shot to make the basket. The ball hurled skyward (again, seemingly in slow motion) and, anti-climatically, completely missed the basket. Then, astutely, one person yelled, “Hey! He doesn’t wear contacts!”

Yes, I grew up a short, fat kid. It was my own fault. I don’t blame it on genetics or anything else…I just liked to eat! Truthfully, I never met a donut I didn’t like. And, although I wasn’t athletic and hated team sports, those years as a fat kid taught me a lot about how to look at life, connect with people, and lead more effectively. Here are just a few tasty nuggets of sugar laden wisdom I can share on what growing up with girth teaches.

Industry
Let’s face it; it’s a pretty person’s world. I don’t make the rules, I (like everyone else) just have to live by them. Everyone has to work hard to succeed, but those with any kind of social “stigma” (like weight) have to work even harder to move forward. Being a fat kid taught me how to work hard, think on my feet when things were getting tight and not be afraid to take the shot - that, even if some maneuvering was needed to shoot, it was always better to take the shot and miss than wish you had. That’s what we, as leaders, need to do as well, isn’t it and what is needed in today’s world? That we work hard and make decisions? Granted, not every decision is going to be right or popular, but our people count on us to put in the time and respond to issues. Even if we miss the shot, credibility is gained through action not just talking a good game.

Loyalty
Lara, my wife, says that if someone “pats me on the head once, I am their friend for life.” This extreme loyalty emerged from forging strong bonds with the people that meant the most in my life - those that would look past the fluffy exterior of “me as a fat kid” and take the time to find out who I really was. That learned loyalty impacted my ability to serve my country and those around me with truth, honesty, and unwavering tenacity. That what we all want in a leader! Someone who knows us, knows our capabilities, and has our “back” when situations get tough or mistakes are made. That’s what anyone that ever worked with me knew to expect and what your people should expect as well - that you, as leader, are the buffer! You have their back and fight until the end to support the team and the cause. Your loyalty to those you serve is key in building community!

Humility
Any fat kid who has had to be on the “skins” team knows humility! That, coupled with the social awkwardness of just being a teenager, gave me an ability to laugh at situations that would have otherwise made one cry. Even when I “lost my contact” and took the shot, the silliness of the situation made my other classmates laugh and eased the fact I had missed the shot. As a leader, this ability to take myself lightly (even in the most difficult of times) eased the stress of the situation for everyone around me. As a result, our teams were more creative, productive, and enjoyed a greater cohesiveness. Had I stressed them out, the opposite would have been true. Forgetting your position, working alongside people, and taking yourself lightly eases everyone’s burden. Laugh often - it’s the quickest way to connect with others.

Although I was a fat kid, I think growing up is challenging for everyone - we all faced challenges, were self-conscious, and worried about fitting in. To this day, I still can’t play basketball and I still love donuts but I wouldn’t change anything about my childhood. The lessons I learned in the jungles of middle school as a fat kid helped me learn to connect better, work harder and lead more effectively. I am confident that if you use these three little nuggets they’ll do the same for you. Don’t wait to make a difference! Step up, stand out, lead large and have another donut!

As I crossed the bridge on my way from the train station to the college, the comedic irony of the situation made me burst into laughter. At the end of the bridge was a panhandler, asking for money and, as a very attractive woman approached him wearing what would be illegal in many states, he put down his cup, he looked her square in the eyes and said, “Hey, Baby, how YOU doing!?” As if she would (at that moment) have the realization that her efforts to make the world a more beautiful place had just then, in that instance, been realized by her one true prince charming and that her life would then be complete. She breezed right by him and he went back to work. After seeing this, I reached into my pocket, took out a five-dollar bill and placed it in his cup because I appreciated this man’s gusto! He knew that, in life, there was no luck. He knew that if you want something in life…you have to go out and get it (okay, maybe he just did what other men were thinking because he had nothing else to lose but I still appreciated his tenacity!).

I don’t tell this story to make light of the homeless situation or anyone less fortunate than myself. In fact, at that moment I felt a kindred spirit to this man. He stepped out, took a chance in the hope that something would happen. Many of us wait for opportunity to knock or “Lady Luck” to smile upon us when trying to reach a goal but luck is what we manifest for ourselves through stepping up, standing out and staying gold.

Stepping Up
Anything great I’ve ever accomplished in my life has come by stepping up and doing something different - through taking a chance and getting outside of my comfort zone. This isn’t always easy, is it? I’m just like every other human out there. I love the homeostasis of life. I like my routines, my rituals, and my schedules. The perpetual motion of my routines has given way to ruts, only seeing things the way they’ve always been or even the fear of failing. Sound familiar? I get past this by looking at what I want upwards, downwards, backwards and then taking the risk and making a step in that direction. I don’t always succeed but that one step gives the momentum needed to overcome languidness of life and on to bigger and better things.

Standing Out
The goals I have been able to reach in my life are the culmination of all the people that helped me along the way. Those people couldn’t have helped me if they didn’t know what I was doing. Standing out requires us to let others know what we’re trying to accomplish and allowing them to help. This has always been my greatest challenge. It may be my ego or my want to control the universe but I have had to learn to let go, get over it, and let people help me. The more brainpower and momentum something gets the more power it has. I liken it to a snowball going down a big hill. It starts out small but gathers more mass (and momentum) as it rolls down. Standing out and allowing others to be a part of our effort does the same thing. The more mass, the more we’ll get done. Get over it! Stand out and let other know what can be done and what they can do to help. Yes, people want to help!

Staying Gold
People have always told me how lucky I am. I guess, on the outside, it may appear that way. I maintain that it is all about staying gold - that the appearance of everything looking like it just comes my way, is more about my gold attitude than it is of anything else. Regardless of how bad the situation is or how much a person wants to try to “dull” my shine, I remain optimistic and full of possibility (some have said full of something else but I digress…). I keep my gold attitude through finding the learning moment in a wrong turn, the possibility in an improbable situation, and keeping a solid sense of humor when the clouds roll in. Have a plan to stay gold! Keep a smile on your face, a joke on the ready, and an ability to laugh in your back pocket. It will make all of the difference in your ability to get the most from any situation.

In the end, I don’t believe in luck. I believe that we all have talents and that opportunities manifest when we put those talents to work towards something worthwhile. If we say we want something it means we are taking active steps to get it. If we aren’t, then we really don’t want it. Not every venture turns out a success but for every wrong turn taken, a new path can emerge. My friend at the end of the bridge didn’t get the girl but he did get $4 more than I would normally give him and also earned my respect! Don’t wait for luck to achieve what you want, go for it today by stepping up, standing out and staying gold!

It’s no surprise to me that, when I speak on leadership, audience members will approach me after and relay their astonishment that I was a Military Officer. That “my positive brand of leadership” is not indicative with what they knew or what they had experienced from the military. It’s no surprise because during my military career, I felt like a round peg trying to fit into a square hole. After years of trying to “fit in” and years of being uncomfortable, I took a cue from Frankie, lead “My Way” and practiced my own brand of “Peopleship.” Our policies, plans and procedures are important as long as those people who implement them are “on board.” People make the ship move. People make the process work. It’s people that make the workplace bearable. Unfortunately, it’s the people that are most forgotten when thinking about mission. The key to Peopleship is to un-think, un-learn, and un-plan our daily interactions with our team and focus in on the connection - linking yourself to them, each other, and then the mission. Peopleship is not about theory, it’s about being:

Unconventional

The only thing anyone has ever been able to expect from me as a leader is that, in any given situation, I was going to do something unexpected. Ranging from working along side them doing the most menial of tasks to challenging them to chair races down the passageway. If we want new paradigms of conformity - paradigms of connection and free thinking, then the rules have to be broken. We have to break the rules of “how we do things around here” and get to new possibilities. Let’s face it, we (as human beings) love the status quo. We love knowing what comes next. We love the homeostasis that comes with life. As time passes, this results in each day becoming a repeat of the day before and we can quickly end up in a mind numbing cycle of monotonous mire - zapping creativity, productivity, and connections. Unconventionality shakes the status quo and brings connection, depth in our relationships, and new possibilities.

Unscripted

Perception is not reality. Reality is reality. None of us are perceived as we perceive ourselves. We all have visions of what a leader is, what a leader does, how a leader acts and these schemas cause us to focus in on the scripts of what a leader should say and managing other’s perceptions of us rather than really trying to be in the moment with a team member. Unscripting our interactions enables us to connect.

One of my best supervisors was a relentless taskmaster. Every morning we would meet and we would go over the endless list of things that needed to be done and, every morning, I would leave knowing that I’d never be able to get them all accomplished. What made me try so hard to hit the mark (time and time again) was our relationship. Although we met every day, once a week we met, drank coffee, and just talked about “things.” We went off the script and discussed my family, his family, trials, triumphs - whatever came up because it was totally unscripted. He not only cared about how I did, he cared for me. That wasn’t perception, it was reality. Going off the script allows us to learn about our team members as people, connect with them, and move forward.

Unrelenting

Service to one another isn’t just another “thing” we should be doing, it’s the main thing. We should be unrelenting in our pursuit of taking care of our team and in our commitment to improving the overall quality of work life. This is a combination of knowing what is important to our people, rewarding the hard work they do and also helping them keep things in balance.

For me, there are two types of people in the world. There are people that think about doing things (but never act) and there are those that actually do things. Service to one another is something that is done. Yes, we think about it but it’s the action that has meaning. Be unrelenting in your service to your team and improving the quality of work life - serve until it hurts and then….serve some more!

Peopleship isn’t about theory, it’s about being undeniably awesome as a leader. It’s about doing it “Your Way!” Being you, being real, and working to connect with your team. Peopleship is sometimes reflective, sometimes strategic but is always authentic. Today’s workforce and work environment is dynamic and continually changing. If we want to move past the paradigms that we’ve grown up on how to lead and compete in today’s world, it takes people. Focus your efforts on being unconventional, unscripted, and unrelenting - the investment you make in connecting with your team will bring returns you have never been capable of even dreaming for in your results.