3 Tactics For Dealing With the Jackass at Work!

My work life has been peppered with people that have been…well let’s just say, jackasses.  I’ve always thought of myself as someone that’s easy to get along with but, obviously, that’s not the case with everyone.  It could be your boss, co-worker, subordinate or even the barista at Starbucks…let’s face facts, we all work with some people that we might consider difficult.   The difficulty could arise from a difference of opinion, attitude, or just moving through the same spaces.  Regardless of from where it stems, it can make our work life miserable!  If our work life is miserable, that’s going to filter into most facets of the rest of our life.  80% of our success in life isn’t about how much we know or how skilled we are, it comes from how well we get along with people and those difficult ones can be, well, difficult!
If you’d like to get along with (notice I wrote “get along with” and not be “best friends with”) the difficult people at work, here are three tactics that have always worked for me.

Tactic #1:  KEEP IT PROFESSIONAL!
When I was a young Petty Officer, I worked with a crusty old Master Chief that, quite frankly, hated my guts (and it was reciprocated).  I didn’t like the way he did things and he didn’t like my “snarky” attitude.  So, to get along and get things done, we kept it professional.  Very much like Dragnet’s, Joe Friday, our conversations were about “just the facts.”   That kept personality out of the equation and kept things moving.

Tactic #2:  BE NICE
My first instinct when someone comes at me is to come right back.  If they bring a knife to a fight, I want to bring a gun (figuratively…obviously).  Although it goes against my instinct, what I’ve found is that by being nice, it helps ease the tension.  If they bring a knife, I’m bringing a smile.  If they bring a gun, I’m bringing a laugh (you get the idea).  Take a clue from Patrick Swayze in “Road House”….”Be Nice, until it’s time not to be nice.”  Those times may come but 99.9% of the time we can be nice, kill them with kindness and always come out ahead.

Tactic #3:  FIND SOMETHING IN COMMON
I used to have a Major work for me that would try and block anything (and everything) he could in order to maintain control.  Instinctively (like I said),  I flanked the same way but found that fighting fire with fire brought less results than I would hope.  What I found was that if I started any conversation about daughters (we both had two), he would be much more receptive to anything I had to say.  I would even ask his advice on what he did in certain situations when he was raising his girls (his were a little older than mine).  EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING IN COMMON!  Find out what it is by asking questions and let that be the baseline for opening your conversations.  Even if it’s “Hey, you have parents!?  I have parents too!”  We ALL have a baseline from which to draw and connect.

In all of these situations, I didn’t become BFF’s with the person but I DID learn to get along.  In any situation, we have a choice to make.  We can let it control us or we can work to control it.  I think that these three tactics help keep the control in our own court so that we’re a little less stressed, get along better and can move our team further with less blockage from jackasses.  I hope you find the same.

4 Methods to Self Promote Without Brown Nosing!

Years ago, as a junior officer, I worked with another young Lieutenant named, Derek.  Derek was a smart, articulate and a hard worker but he was also a MAJOR League sycophant (aka: fawning parasite or brown-noser).   Whenever the opportunity would arise, we would duck and pucker in the hope of outshining the rest of the Lieutenants he worked with.  In the end, although he was smart, articulate and worked hard, he ended up being ranked below the rest of us.  Why?  Because nothing good comes from shamelessly self-promoting and throwing your shipmates under the bus.  Conversely, no one cares about your career more than you.  So, how do you self-promote without selling yourself out and brown nosing?  Here are four methods to always to keep your self respect, the respect of your coworkers and rise to the top.

METHOD #1:  WHISTLE WHILE YOU WORK! If you’re going to be there, give it your all (I think that’s a given) and do it with a great attitude!  Don’t just work hard when you feel like it, when the boss is looking, or take a job and then complain about it the whole time; give it your all every time and in every endeavor.  Roll ‘em up, put a smile on your face and get dirty, there’s no substitute for it.  Your positive attitude will be like a light to all the “moths” at work!

METHOD #2:  BE COOL, LIKE THE GAMBLER. The shameless self promoter will continually insert himself into conversations and conditions that he think will please the boss and that usually ends him up in an awkward situation.  If you’re like the gambler, you know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em….(you know how the song goes).   If it pertains to your expertise and you have something of value to add, contribute.  If not, don’t.  Remember, people don’t know you’re an idiot until you open your mouth.

METHOD #3:  GIVE SOLUTIONS! People are quick to point out what is wrong or how things are bad.  This solves nothing.  What I I know my bosses loved about me was that I was ALWAYS solution focused.  If there was an issue, yes, I would point it out but I always had a solution to fix it.  Further, because I adhered to #1, they knew I would attack it like a bulldog and not let go of it until it was a dead issue.  As a boss, I always had PLENTY on my plate and was very appreciative when someone took something off.  Scrape the plate clean!

METHOD #4:  BUILD OTHERS UP! You want to look great?  Make OTHERS look great.  Catch your team mates and coworkers doing great things and then spread the word.  My favorite thing to do in meetings was always to toot someone else’s horn.  They appreciated the shout out, it built esprit de corps, trust, and let people know I was a person of integrity.

Like I said, no one cares about your career like you.  We’d like to think that people do but, in reality, we’re all busy and just trying to run the race without ending up caught in a dead end.  With that being the case, we have to take control of our destiny and this can be done one of two ways.  First, you can go the way of Derek - selling yourself and your team out so look good.  Or, you can go a different route - the route of working strategically to better the company and others.  One sells your soul and your self respect to the Devil and the other moves EVERYONE forward.  It’s your choice, choose well.

4 Strategies For Listening Mo’ Better

Yes, I’ll admit it…I’m a terrible listener.  I have the best of intentions of hanging on every word that is said but, usually, I drift.  But, it’s not my fault!  I have these crazy monkeys jumping around in my head at all times!  One causes me to babble, another one causes distractions and the host of others just jump around and fling poo on each other!  Okay, there are no monkeys…but sometimes it feels like there are!  However, knowing that I am a poor listener is the first step in my becoming a better listener.

In today’s world, I don’t think I’m alone.  I would venture to say that we all struggle at one point or another in our ability to listen.  Listening is a distinct asset and askill that can be continually honed.  Do you struggle with the monkeys?  Do they keep you from listening too?  If so, try these 4 strategies that will help you listen mo’ better!

LISTENING STRATEGY NUMBER ONE: SHUT UP!
REALLY!?  The first step in being a better listener is to shut up?  YOU BETCHA!!    There’s no way you can hear another person if you’re yammering about something or thinking about yammering about something.  If you want to say something….DON’T!  If you are thinking about saying something…DON’T!   ZIP IT and concentrate on the person that is speaking.  Your turn to speak will come soon enough.

LISTENING STRATEGY NUMBER TWO: PAY ATTENTION
What is being said is not nearly as important as how it is being said.  If you aren’t paying attention, you’ll miss 80% of the content!  Listen for feelings, voice inflection, and watch body language.  I can’t tell you how many things I misinterpreted when I wasn’t fully paying attention.  I once ended up as the only straight man in a gay bar because I wasn’t fully paying attention to what was being said (on the plus side, I drank free that night).  Make and keep eye contact when possible and stay in the moment.

LISTENING STRATEGY NUMBER THREE: KILL THE MONKEY
Monkeys in my brain cause distractions.  You want to kill the monkey?  Get rid of the distractions!  He’ll die of boredom and won’t cause you any more grief.  The biggest distraction for me is this computer I am typing on right now!   Quite frankly, my children capitalize on this and will purposely ask me for expensive trappings while I am on my it.  It’s costed me a fortune in agreed to items that I remember nothing about because the monkey hadn’t been properly euthanized.  You know what YOUR monkeys are…kill THEM!!

LISTENING STRATEGY NUMBER FOUR: REPEAT IT
You’ve accomplished the first three strategies and think you know what’s been said…now repeat it back to the person that was speaking.  You don’t have to do it verbatim (actually, I’d paraphrase it…repeating back verbatim is a little bit creepy).  If you’ve gotten something wrong, they’ll let you know.  If not, you’ve tried your best to get the gist of the conversation and/or issue down to the best of your ability.  BRAVO!

Like I said, I struggle with listening all of the time.  I can blame it on monkeys, computers, children, or the fact that I grew up as part of the Sesame Street generation and I’m used to everything being spoon fed to me at an elementary level.  Whatever the cause, I can continue to work on listening mo’ better every day.  With time and perseverance, I might just get good at it someday (and perhaps you will too)!

6 Tips For Managing Your Time

The only thing I can figure is that I used to have a LOT of time.  Way before children, responsibilities and work, I must have had oodles and oodles of time.  Because now, after the rigors of life have wedged their spiny hooks deep within my flesh, I don’t know where to get more time.  That’s the way it is for many of us as leaders, isn’t it?  It’s as if we’re continually treading water…trying to keep our heads up and catch our breath.
In my 25+ years of working, leading, and treading; I’ve learned a few simple strategies for effectively managing my time.  Try these 6 tips out and let me know how they work for you.

Tip #1:  Make a List and Live By it! I make a list every morning prior to my work day.  Actually, I start it the night prior but always add to it when I start my day.  If it is not on my list, it usually doesn’t get done.  Conversely, if it is on my list it nearly ALWAYS gets done.   Truthfully, I always will start with the easy things on my list to build my momentum (and positive energy) and then will tackle the hard things.  This is the single best item I use for managing my time.

Tip #2:  Pick It Up and Do Something With It! If I pick up a piece of paper (or open an email) , I make myself do something with it.  I can’t put it down (or ignore the email) until I’ve actually taken some kind of action with it.  In the case of paper, this can be managed easily.  For email, I give myself set times to open up and go through so I am not continuously online, answering emails.  Even if the action is just putting it on the list, at least I’ve done something with it versus just letting it pile up.

Tip #3:  Avoid Shiny Objects! I can get distracted really easily.  If it’s shiny…I’m going to follow it!  One click of the mouse or flip of the dial and I’m not spending time being productive; I’m spending time in productivity limbo!  If you know something is (or can be a distraction) for you, do your best to avoid it (or at least limit your time on it).  Stay focused on what needs to be done.

Tip #4:  Beware of Scuttlebutt! Scuttlebutt in slang usage means rumor or gossip, deriving from the nautical term for the cask used to serve water.  For us, it can mean a HUGE waste of time.  Let’s face it, we ALL LOVE a little gossip but it can be a MAJOR distraction in getting work done and just getting along.  If people know you don’t gossip, they won’t bother wasting their time telling you the NEW gossip which, in turn,  means they won’t be wasting YOUR time!

Tip #5:  Make Time for YOUR People! No matter how busy you are, you (as a leader) must make time for your people.  Carve out 1 hour each day to walk around or meet with your team members.  A favorite boss of mine would schedule an hour each week for me where we would just talk about “issues” (work and otherwise).  By doing this, he garnered my trust, loyalty, and heart.  Time spent with your team is time well spent.

Tip #6:  Reward Yourself! All work and no play make YOU a dull person!  Reward yourself after you’ve done something on your list (or a couple of things on your list).  Rewards are personal; you know what YOU like.  Give in and find a little functionality in fun!  It will not only help keep your momentum going but all also help you keep a positive attitude!

In today’s world we are all busy!  I still work on finding more time but, as you know, time is a finite commodity - we only get so much of it.  With that being the case, I’ve found that by using these strategies I spend less time tying to find more time and more time effectively using the time I have.  Give them a try, I think you’ll find the same.

SIX THINGS ABOUT PERFORMANCE APPRAISALS

Giving someone their annual performance appraisal can be tricky if you aren’t mentally prepared.  My first crack at debriefing someone was an eye opening experience!  I had plenty of years on the opposite side of the desk (getting told how I was performing) and thought I knew how I wanted it to go but found myself ill-prepared when it came down to executing it properly.  I quickly got a system down and, after hundreds of practice runs, here’s what you need to know:

1.   Perception is NOT reality! People’s perceptions of what they do and how they do are much different from yours.  A good way to check this is to simply ask, “how do you feel things are going for you here, Bob?”  (I just used Bob because we all know a Bob).  Doing this allows you to assess where they “think” they are versus where they might actually be.  If they are the same…..FANDAMNTASTIC!  If not, chances are you’ve done a poor job of communicating how they’re doing through the year.

2.  Be Prepared! I absolutely HATED when my bosses would ask me for my input on my annual evaluation but really wanted me to write it for them.  On one hand, it was great to toot my own horn but, on the other, it was somewhat disheartening to think that the person I had pledged my loyalty to for a year couldn’t take an hour to recap all of my great accomplishments.  Keep a log book or accomplishments folder on each team member to record noteworthy things (and some other not so noteworthy things).  Let them know about it and also contribute to it if they’d like to (also let them see it when asked so you don’t have to visit HR unnecessarily).  Prior to your debrief meeting, go through EVERYTHING to make sure you haven’t missed anything (it will also help you NOT rely on your memory…..that can JACK you up!).

3.  Be Personable! Make people comfortable!  Getting debriefed on your performance can be some stressful stuff.  I always knew I worked hard but always wondered how things were going to go on the evaluation debrief.  Pick a quiet spot, welcome your person with a smile and make some small talk before lunging into the crux of the debrief.

4.  Be Honest! I hated it when the person debriefing me would “talk around” a subject and not about what I needed to work on.  Give it straight!  Would you torture someone by slowly pulling off a band aid or would you yank it off quickly?  Hit it quick, honest and forthright.  Trust me, they’ll respect you MORE in the morning for it.

5.  Use the Goldilock’s Principle for Targets (Keep Them Just Right)! I like a good challenge but too many (or too few) can have an opposite effect on my long term performance.  Keep performance targets “just right” when thinking about personal and professional goals.  Ask your team member to give you a few, you contribute a few, come to a consensus on timelines and then document it .  Targets without action steps to get there is like being on the right track but just sitting there (eventually you’ll get run over).

6.  Give it like YOU’D want it. We’ve all been there, done that and have the war wounds to prove it.  We’ve gotten great appraisals and some that were like giving birth (I’m speculating) so we should know how we’d want to receive one.  Think through the process as if you were giving it to yourself and treat the other person accordingly…fair, consistent, and factual.

These aren’t the ONLY things needed to give a great performance review but they are SIX things that helped me make the most of the one’s I did (and, like I said, I’ve done a lot of them).  Keep it real and remember that you’ve been on the other side of the desk.

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