The basketball tipped off the top of John’s fingers and, seemingly in slow motion, arced high up in the air and descended down into my chubby little hands. WHAT!? I had the ball!? I looked up, ball in hand, as a pack of much taller, athletic classmates ran to surround me (as a pack of ravenous wolves would surround a pug with a piece of meat). Surrounded, outnumbered, short, and never having had the ball before, I panicked and yelled, “BACK UP! My contact just popped out!” Immediately, the crowd stepped back and started looking down to see it. Now, completely open, I turned and took the shot to make the basket. The ball hurled skyward (again, seemingly in slow motion) and, anti-climatically, completely missed the basket. Then, astutely, one person yelled, “Hey! He doesn’t wear contacts!”

Yes, I grew up a short, fat kid. It was my own fault. I don’t blame it on genetics or anything else…I just liked to eat! Truthfully, I never met a donut I didn’t like. And, although I wasn’t athletic and hated team sports, those years as a fat kid taught me a lot about how to look at life, connect with people, and lead more effectively. Here are just a few tasty nuggets of sugar laden wisdom I can share on what growing up with girth teaches.

Industry
Let’s face it; it’s a pretty person’s world. I don’t make the rules, I (like everyone else) just have to live by them. Everyone has to work hard to succeed, but those with any kind of social “stigma” (like weight) have to work even harder to move forward. Being a fat kid taught me how to work hard, think on my feet when things were getting tight and not be afraid to take the shot - that, even if some maneuvering was needed to shoot, it was always better to take the shot and miss than wish you had. That’s what we, as leaders, need to do as well, isn’t it and what is needed in today’s world? That we work hard and make decisions? Granted, not every decision is going to be right or popular, but our people count on us to put in the time and respond to issues. Even if we miss the shot, credibility is gained through action not just talking a good game.

Loyalty
Lara, my wife, says that if someone “pats me on the head once, I am their friend for life.” This extreme loyalty emerged from forging strong bonds with the people that meant the most in my life - those that would look past the fluffy exterior of “me as a fat kid” and take the time to find out who I really was. That learned loyalty impacted my ability to serve my country and those around me with truth, honesty, and unwavering tenacity. That what we all want in a leader! Someone who knows us, knows our capabilities, and has our “back” when situations get tough or mistakes are made. That’s what anyone that ever worked with me knew to expect and what your people should expect as well - that you, as leader, are the buffer! You have their back and fight until the end to support the team and the cause. Your loyalty to those you serve is key in building community!

Humility
Any fat kid who has had to be on the “skins” team knows humility! That, coupled with the social awkwardness of just being a teenager, gave me an ability to laugh at situations that would have otherwise made one cry. Even when I “lost my contact” and took the shot, the silliness of the situation made my other classmates laugh and eased the fact I had missed the shot. As a leader, this ability to take myself lightly (even in the most difficult of times) eased the stress of the situation for everyone around me. As a result, our teams were more creative, productive, and enjoyed a greater cohesiveness. Had I stressed them out, the opposite would have been true. Forgetting your position, working alongside people, and taking yourself lightly eases everyone’s burden. Laugh often - it’s the quickest way to connect with others.

Although I was a fat kid, I think growing up is challenging for everyone - we all faced challenges, were self-conscious, and worried about fitting in. To this day, I still can’t play basketball and I still love donuts but I wouldn’t change anything about my childhood. The lessons I learned in the jungles of middle school as a fat kid helped me learn to connect better, work harder and lead more effectively. I am confident that if you use these three little nuggets they’ll do the same for you. Don’t wait to make a difference! Step up, stand out, lead large and have another donut!

We as leaders can’t make our people happy. Happiness is a personal choice. What we can do is manage the mood - the “how people feel” about their work, their contribution, and the organization. As a young division officer, I inherited a department that had low morale, low productivity, and even lower initiative. Most of the people assigned had been “written off” as no loads and it seemed as if a black cloud of negativity hovered over them. My first week, as I got to know the people and what they did (or were supposed to do), I tried to figure out what was missing. It’s not that this team wasn’t capable or even willing, vital elements were missing from their work existence, elements that let them know how they fit in and where they provided value. All I needed to do to boost the mood was show a little CARE.

Communication
My division hadn’t been communicated with about their mission. They didn’t know how what they did fit into the overall mission of where the organization was going. To them, everything was a pointless mess of metrics, reports and taskers. What was needed was the “how and “why.” My predecessor had made the critical assumption errors of assuming team members knew what it is they needed to do, how to do it, and what was expected of them. We can never assume! We must provide clarity, purpose and value - then and only then can we let go and empower them to make a difference. Do you want to see a dramatic upturn in team mood? Work to bridge the gaps with solid communication. This can’t be a one time chat - it must be a continual dialogue (think real conversation).

Accountability
More often than not, we think of accountability as being about someone else. As a leader, accountability starts with us. We can do all we want in trying to communicate to our people but that’s not enough, we also need to walk that talk. There is no better testimony to our team about ethics, trust, openness, and consistency than personal example. I had to openly show my team that I not only expected high standards from them, I expected them from myself as well. If they were working late, I was working late. I expected nothing from them that I wasn’t willing to give. Our ability to know what we stand for and openly live those values aligns us with our team so that they know, no matter what, you can be listened to and trusted.

Rewards
Each one of us keeps a psychological contract with our organization that says that the level of effort should be commensurate with the amount of rewards that are received. It can be equated to a scale that works to keep us balanced. If I am working hard, I should get rewarded for it. If I don’t see the reward, my scale gets out of balance and my productivity, motivation, and morale go down. Prior to my arrival, most team members felt like doing a good job was like peeing their pants in dark suit (it gave them a warm feeling but nobody noticed). The rewards plan that we implemented was well communicated, distributed, and publicized. Everyone knew what warranted rewards and how he/she could get on board with getting them because they were involved in the process. Very quickly, the scale got balanced and everything we had been missing started taking shape. A simple, low cost incentive that anyone can do right now is to just show some simple appreciation. Acknowledging a contribution or saying “thank you” goes a long way in telling team members their value.

Enlightenment
We spend the bulk of our awake hours at work. Keeping that in mind, work should be more than a place that provides a paycheck, it should be a place where we, as human beings, can flourish. That means that we, as leaders, have to continually connect with our people on a human level - disregarding the titles and positions that separate us and look for ways we can unite on common ground. I worked along side my team and coached them through every difficult maneuver. Anything we did, we did together and all team members benefited, either directly or indirectly. Working towards enlightenment and human flourishing not only allows for an open dialogue and an ability to achieve more, it also allows team members to get past the issues they might be facing in other areas of their lives because they know they are not alone. Being on YOUR team should be about more than the pay. Make it personal!

Due to a little CARE, in less than six months my “rag tag” bunch of misfits overcame the odds and beat out every other region in the areas that we could compete on. Our department’s morale, productivity, and individual engagement soared. We went from being the team that no one wanted to be on to one that people continually fought to join. As I stated before, we can’t make our people happy but we can manage the mood of how people feel about where it is they spend most of their time. That’s the impact YOU can have! CARE comes down to clarity and purpose - letting your team know their value and their worth! DON’T WAIT! STEP UP, STEP OUT AND SHOW ‘EM THAT YOU CARE!

What are your expectations of situations and people? When faced with new or difficult circumstances, how are your thoughts? Positive? Negative? Indifferent? I go into most situations with the predisposition that everything is going to work out the way that I want. I think it has something to do with me being the youngest child (and very spoiled). Regardless of the origin, I do believe that it is the expectation of things working the way I want that is the secret to them actually turning out that way. In that, all of my energy goes in that direction and (even though there may be hurdles) “it” gets done (whatever “it” is). The same can be true for having negative expectations and talking yourself into a spiral of despair before events unfold.

There was this guy who was driving to a dinner party out in the country and he got a flat tire. Knowing he was in a time crunch to get to his destination on time, he jumped out of his car, sped to his trunk and flipped open the hatch…only to realize that he didn’t have a jack. Panicked, his mind raced as what to do. His cell phone was out of range and he truly was in the middle of nowhere. Standing, by himself and beside himelf with grief, he saw a light flickering in the distance. “It could be a farmhouse,” he thought to himself. It was getting dark, the temperature was dropping and it was a seemingly long trek but, with no other choice, he decided to start walking towards the farmhouse to see if the residents had a jack he could borrow. As he walked, he started working out possible scenarios in his head of what would happen when he arrived at the farmhouse. Each scenario ended with him not getting a jack and being stranded (possibly for the rest of his life) out in the middle of nowhere - cold, hungry, and friendless. Although his building fury did hurry is pace, it did nothing for his disposition. The further he walked, the angrier he got. Over and over in his head he repeated, “I know that this guy is not going to let me borrow a jack!” By the time he reached the farmhouse he was in a rage. He marched up to the door and pounded on it repeatedly. He KNEW that this was a pointless endeavor and that this “guy” was not going to let him borrow a jack and that he was going to be out here forever. He pounded again. Finally, the door started to creek open and there stood a kindly looking old farmer. The farmer looked at the man and said, “May I help you?” The man reared back, hit the farmer in the face and said, “I didn’t want to borrow your damn jack anyway.”

The moral of the story? Don’t borrow jacks. We can discount things before we even give them a chance to develop. We need to set our expectations towards greatness if that’s what we want (or our team) to achieve. When you set them high, the hurdles will be just as high. To help you stay positive and laser focused on those goals, try these strategies:

Visualize

Know exactly where it is you are going or what you are trying to achieve. Sit back and visualize what it looks like, what it tastes like, what it feels like and who is there celebrating with you when you accomplish the goal. Once you do that, write it down and tell people about it. Verbalizing your goals helps internalize them, makes you accountable to those you told them about, and you will be much more likely to keep going when the going gets tough. If it’s a team goal, make sure EVERYONE (from the person in the mailroom to the CEO) knows where the team is going. This gives common purpose and critical mass - both of which move mountains!

Persist

There is an Irish proverb that reads, “Persistence breaks down resistance.” I am pretty sure my youngest daughter is Irish because she lives by this. There will always be hurtles to jump, mountains to climb, and speeches to give. Most will tell you how things can’t be done, not how they CAN be done. I always repeat to myself, “WWWWD?” (What would Willy Wonka do?). He would keep going and say, “We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams!” If you have clarity in your expectations and know exactly where you going, keep up the fight, and persist. Don’t listen to “nay-sayers” who try to trample on your dream. It will go the way of your will if your will is strong. Stay strong!

Laugh

When the going gets tough, the tough get laughing. Stress is a fact of life. Having the intestinal fortitude to set your expectations high and dream can add enormously to your stress load. When you are persisting and the stress is building, take a break and laugh. See a funny movie, talk to friends that make you laugh, or just do some “ho ho ha ha ha’s” in the privacy of your car and you will find that your stress will diminish expeditiously! Laughing sets off a chain reaction of physical and emotional responses in your body that will help you maintain perspective, stay focused, and be happier! You can’t see the horizon if your head in pointed downward. Keep your head up with laughter!

In the end, we get what we expect to get. Each of us is only here for a short period of time and we should expect greatness because each of us IS great. Each of us has a reason, a purpose, and we should never discount our own capabilities or our blessings by “borrowing jacks.” Keep laser focused, positive, always have great expectations and watch fantastic things unfold in your life.

Growing up, my ol’ man had a nickname for everyone. I don’t know if it was because he couldn’t remember anyone’s name or because he thought it was funny. Whatever the reason, if you knew him (and he liked you) you got assigned a name. At his work there was a Flopjaw, Leo, Goliath, and a myriad of others. His naming wasn’t just relegated to work; each of us kids had a name as well. My brothers were Buck, Beanhead, Doodle, and my sister was “Sis” (okay, not that imaginative but it was still a nickname). Either through nature or nurture, this “gift” for naming people was passed on to me. Regardless of where I worked or the position I held, I’ve named my co-workers. Never derogatory - but a positive reflection of the traits they radiated during their daily interaction with me. It made no difference if I was working with Sparky, Sprocket, or Sparkle, the result of my nicknaming was nearly always positive. Here’s what it could do for you if you’re willing to take the risk.

Force Reflection

If you are to come up with a really accurate, positive nickname for a co-worker, it takes time and reflection. You MUST take the time to really watch, learn, and get to know this person. This is never a bad thing - especially when you are focusing in on the good. We spend hours, days, and, yes, sometimes years focusing in on the things that irritate us about others. Taking some time to focus in on the good can help us change our perceptions of that person and, in turn, appreciate them on a different level. If we change our perceptions, we can change our world!

Brake Barriers

Once I would finalize a name (and, yes, it would sometimes take a few revisions to get it just right), I would start easing the person into their new name. Undoubtedly, the question would always arise, “Why are you calling me that?” This question would give me the perfect opportunity to ease into his or her positive traits. For instance, when working with Sprocket (who could be negative at times), I explained to her that she was named such because “You make things go!” When I would call her Sprocket she would smile and I could see her spirit lift a bit. But here’s the key: A nickname has to be positive and if the person doesn’t like the name it can’t be used.

Build Community

In a formal organization, we are quick to figure out who fits where and who does what. Once we have this down, we then start to know people as what they do versus who they are. Add some cubicles and email and you’ve got a nice, sterile environment where teamwork, productivity, and creativity wane. Nicknames add personality and are personable. They are a huge florescent splash of color on a flat white wall. When we know each other by more than title and/or job but as people, there’s no limit to where we can go as an organization.

Do not feel as if this burden lies solely on you. Bring your team into the mix and ask them to help. Here are some possibilities for brainstorming at your next meeting to help each other come up with positive nicknames:

• Rap Names
• Disney Characters
• Greek Gods
• Western Icons
• Famous Explorers

The possibilities are endless and the reward great when we work to know those around us, break barriers and build community. Those are the organizations people want to be a part of - where they can flourish and progress is made! Oh, and my nicknames? I’ve been Chipper the Skipper, Golden Boy, The Professor, Pookey Bear, and one of the Wonder Twins. But the best is the one that came from the master himself, my father, who just refers to me as “The Wiener.”