Tactic #1:  KEEP IT PROFESSIONAL!
When I was a young Petty Officer, I worked with a crusty old Master Chief that, quite frankly, hated my guts (and it was reciprocated).  I didn’t like the way he did things and he didn’t like my “snarky” attitude.  So, to get along and get things done, we kept it professional.  Very much like Dragnet’s, Joe Friday, our conversations were about “just the facts.”   That kept personality out of the equation and kept things moving.

Tactic #2:  BE NICE
My first instinct when someone comes at me is to come right back.  If they bring a knife to a fight, I want to bring a gun (figuratively…obviously).  Although it goes against my instinct, what I’ve found is that by being nice, it helps ease the tension.  If they bring a knife, I’m bringing a smile.  If they bring a gun, I’m bringing a laugh (you get the idea).  Take a clue from Patrick Swayze in “Road House”….”Be Nice, until it’s time not to be nice.”  Those times may come but 99.9% of the time we can be nice, kill them with kindness and always come out ahead.

Tactic #3:  FIND SOMETHING IN COMMON
I used to have a Major work for me that would try and block anything (and everything) he could in order to maintain control.  Instinctively (like I said),  I flanked the same way but found that fighting fire with fire brought less results than I would hope.  What I found was that if I started any conversation about daughters (we both had two), he would be much more receptive to anything I had to say.  I would even ask his advice on what he did in certain situations when he was raising his girls (his were a little older than mine).  EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING IN COMMON!  Find out what it is by asking questions and let that be the baseline for opening your conversations.  Even if it’s “Hey, you have parents!?  I have parents too!”  We ALL have a baseline from which to draw and connect.

In all of these situations, I didn’t become BFF’s with the person but I DID learn to get along.  In any situation, we have a choice to make.  We can let it control us or we can work to control it.  I think that these three tactics help keep the control in our own court so that we’re a little less stressed, get along better and can move our team further with less blockage from jackasses.  I hope you find the same.

METHOD #1:  WHISTLE WHILE YOU WORK! If you’re going to be there, give it your all (I think that’s a given) and do it with a great attitude!  Don’t just work hard when you feel like it, when the boss is looking, or take a job and then complain about it the whole time; give it your all every time and in every endeavor.  Roll ‘em up, put a smile on your face and get dirty, there’s no substitute for it.  Your positive attitude will be like a light to all the “moths” at work!

METHOD #2:  BE COOL, LIKE THE GAMBLER. The shameless self promoter will continually insert himself into conversations and conditions that he think will please the boss and that usually ends him up in an awkward situation.  If you’re like the gambler, you know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em….(you know how the song goes).   If it pertains to your expertise and you have something of value to add, contribute.  If not, don’t.  Remember, people don’t know you’re an idiot until you open your mouth.

METHOD #3:  GIVE SOLUTIONS! People are quick to point out what is wrong or how things are bad.  This solves nothing.  What I I know my bosses loved about me was that I was ALWAYS solution focused.  If there was an issue, yes, I would point it out but I always had a solution to fix it.  Further, because I adhered to #1, they knew I would attack it like a bulldog and not let go of it until it was a dead issue.  As a boss, I always had PLENTY on my plate and was very appreciative when someone took something off.  Scrape the plate clean!

METHOD #4:  BUILD OTHERS UP! You want to look great?  Make OTHERS look great.  Catch your team mates and coworkers doing great things and then spread the word.  My favorite thing to do in meetings was always to toot someone else’s horn.  They appreciated the shout out, it built esprit de corps, trust, and let people know I was a person of integrity.

Like I said, no one cares about your career like you.  We’d like to think that people do but, in reality, we’re all busy and just trying to run the race without ending up caught in a dead end.  With that being the case, we have to take control of our destiny and this can be done one of two ways.  First, you can go the way of Derek - selling yourself and your team out so look good.  Or, you can go a different route - the route of working strategically to better the company and others.  One sells your soul and your self respect to the Devil and the other moves EVERYONE forward.  It’s your choice, choose well.

In today’s world, I don’t think I’m alone.  I would venture to say that we all struggle at one point or another in our ability to listen.  Listening is a distinct asset and askill that can be continually honed.  Do you struggle with the monkeys?  Do they keep you from listening too?  If so, try these 4 strategies that will help you listen mo’ better!

LISTENING STRATEGY NUMBER ONE: SHUT UP!
REALLY!?  The first step in being a better listener is to shut up?  YOU BETCHA!!    There’s no way you can hear another person if you’re yammering about something or thinking about yammering about something.  If you want to say something….DON’T!  If you are thinking about saying something…DON’T!   ZIP IT and concentrate on the person that is speaking.  Your turn to speak will come soon enough.

LISTENING STRATEGY NUMBER TWO: PAY ATTENTION
What is being said is not nearly as important as how it is being said.  If you aren’t paying attention, you’ll miss 80% of the content!  Listen for feelings, voice inflection, and watch body language.  I can’t tell you how many things I misinterpreted when I wasn’t fully paying attention.  I once ended up as the only straight man in a gay bar because I wasn’t fully paying attention to what was being said (on the plus side, I drank free that night).  Make and keep eye contact when possible and stay in the moment.

LISTENING STRATEGY NUMBER THREE: KILL THE MONKEY
Monkeys in my brain cause distractions.  You want to kill the monkey?  Get rid of the distractions!  He’ll die of boredom and won’t cause you any more grief.  The biggest distraction for me is this computer I am typing on right now!   Quite frankly, my children capitalize on this and will purposely ask me for expensive trappings while I am on my it.  It’s costed me a fortune in agreed to items that I remember nothing about because the monkey hadn’t been properly euthanized.  You know what YOUR monkeys are…kill THEM!!

LISTENING STRATEGY NUMBER FOUR: REPEAT IT
You’ve accomplished the first three strategies and think you know what’s been said…now repeat it back to the person that was speaking.  You don’t have to do it verbatim (actually, I’d paraphrase it…repeating back verbatim is a little bit creepy).  If you’ve gotten something wrong, they’ll let you know.  If not, you’ve tried your best to get the gist of the conversation and/or issue down to the best of your ability.  BRAVO!

Like I said, I struggle with listening all of the time.  I can blame it on monkeys, computers, children, or the fact that I grew up as part of the Sesame Street generation and I’m used to everything being spoon fed to me at an elementary level.  Whatever the cause, I can continue to work on listening mo’ better every day.  With time and perseverance, I might just get good at it someday (and perhaps you will too)!

Tip #1:  Make a List and Live By it! I make a list every morning prior to my work day.  Actually, I start it the night prior but always add to it when I start my day.  If it is not on my list, it usually doesn’t get done.  Conversely, if it is on my list it nearly ALWAYS gets done.   Truthfully, I always will start with the easy things on my list to build my momentum (and positive energy) and then will tackle the hard things.  This is the single best item I use for managing my time.

Tip #2:  Pick It Up and Do Something With It! If I pick up a piece of paper (or open an email) , I make myself do something with it.  I can’t put it down (or ignore the email) until I’ve actually taken some kind of action with it.  In the case of paper, this can be managed easily.  For email, I give myself set times to open up and go through so I am not continuously online, answering emails.  Even if the action is just putting it on the list, at least I’ve done something with it versus just letting it pile up.

Tip #3:  Avoid Shiny Objects! I can get distracted really easily.  If it’s shiny…I’m going to follow it!  One click of the mouse or flip of the dial and I’m not spending time being productive; I’m spending time in productivity limbo!  If you know something is (or can be a distraction) for you, do your best to avoid it (or at least limit your time on it).  Stay focused on what needs to be done.

Tip #4:  Beware of Scuttlebutt! Scuttlebutt in slang usage means rumor or gossip, deriving from the nautical term for the cask used to serve water.  For us, it can mean a HUGE waste of time.  Let’s face it, we ALL LOVE a little gossip but it can be a MAJOR distraction in getting work done and just getting along.  If people know you don’t gossip, they won’t bother wasting their time telling you the NEW gossip which, in turn,  means they won’t be wasting YOUR time!

Tip #5:  Make Time for YOUR People! No matter how busy you are, you (as a leader) must make time for your people.  Carve out 1 hour each day to walk around or meet with your team members.  A favorite boss of mine would schedule an hour each week for me where we would just talk about “issues” (work and otherwise).  By doing this, he garnered my trust, loyalty, and heart.  Time spent with your team is time well spent.

Tip #6:  Reward Yourself! All work and no play make YOU a dull person!  Reward yourself after you’ve done something on your list (or a couple of things on your list).  Rewards are personal; you know what YOU like.  Give in and find a little functionality in fun!  It will not only help keep your momentum going but all also help you keep a positive attitude!

In today’s world we are all busy!  I still work on finding more time but, as you know, time is a finite commodity - we only get so much of it.  With that being the case, I’ve found that by using these strategies I spend less time tying to find more time and more time effectively using the time I have.  Give them a try, I think you’ll find the same.

He gave me a full rundown on my year in review but, what I remember most was him saying, “Chip…what I really like about what you do is that you attack every thing I give you like a bull dog and don’t let go of it until it’s done!”  There was much more to the debrief but, after all these years, that’s all I remember (and, quite frankly, all I cared about at the time).  Above all else, he knew that he could count on me as a follower.

Within our society, we celebrate the leader; the person that moves the mission forward through insurmountable odds.  We focus our attention on how to be better leaders and develop better leaders but leaders can’t lead without great followers.  Without great followers, you’re not a leader (you’re just another crazy person standing in a courtyard with a fruit basket on his head).  From my perspective, I was a great leader because I knew how to follow.   If you are looking to develop your own leadership skills, consider focusing on how you follow in these five ways:

1.  Great followers know how to serve.  They align themselves with the mission and don’t wait for someone to tell them how they fit in.  A great follower figures out how he fits in and gives his talents, unsparingly, to help move the cause forward.  They give until it hurts and then they give a little more.  For the great follower, it’s always about we and never about me.

2.  Great followers are loyal. They have their leaders back, their teammates backs, and don’t violate the trust of the team.  This isn’t always easy, it takes great personal discipline to be obedient and that goes against human nature.  Great followers know the power of the pack and stick around through the toughest times.

3.  Great followers have integrity. They know where they stand on issues, what they value and have the “intestinal fortitude” to stand up for what is right in the face of adversity.  They are not “yes” men (or women).   If a leader or teammate goes against what is morally (or ethically) right, great followers go to that person first to resolve the issue.  Moral rightness is the compass that directs the decisions of the great follower.

4.  Great followers concern themselves with equity; they give a full day’s work for a full day’s pay. Rewards are nice but not paramount to the great follower; they take their reward from a job well done and moving the mission forward for the team.

5.  Great followers show their humanity. For the great follower, everything is second to the relationships forged within the team.  Great followers share themselves willingly with others and maintain a good attitude for others to be inspired by.  This is the one tenet that separates a good follower from a great follower for nothing is more important than how we get along and how we get things done.

Does it seem like the tenets for great following are parallel to what you’d want from a great leader?  Sure it does!  The starting points are the same but the focus is, strategically, a little bit different.  For me, after two assignments as a Commanding Officer and multiple other leadership jobs, what helped me the most in connecting with my people, understanding the mission, and moving it forward were the lessons I learned in how to follow.  The world is predominately made up of followers, as we can’t all be in charge all of the time.  With that being the case, don’t you want to follow the best you can?  Focusing in on these five areas will lay the groundwork for you to move from great follower to great leader and then back again (if needed).  Grab it like a bulldog and don’t let go!

I will leave you with this final thought:
“When in command, be in command!  When not, be the best DAMN follower you can be!”

1.   Perception is NOT reality! People’s perceptions of what they do and how they do are much different from yours.  A good way to check this is to simply ask, “how do you feel things are going for you here, Bob?”  (I just used Bob because we all know a Bob).  Doing this allows you to assess where they “think” they are versus where they might actually be.  If they are the same…..FANDAMNTASTIC!  If not, chances are you’ve done a poor job of communicating how they’re doing through the year.

2.  Be Prepared! I absolutely HATED when my bosses would ask me for my input on my annual evaluation but really wanted me to write it for them.  On one hand, it was great to toot my own horn but, on the other, it was somewhat disheartening to think that the person I had pledged my loyalty to for a year couldn’t take an hour to recap all of my great accomplishments.  Keep a log book or accomplishments folder on each team member to record noteworthy things (and some other not so noteworthy things).  Let them know about it and also contribute to it if they’d like to (also let them see it when asked so you don’t have to visit HR unnecessarily).  Prior to your debrief meeting, go through EVERYTHING to make sure you haven’t missed anything (it will also help you NOT rely on your memory…..that can JACK you up!).

3.  Be Personable! Make people comfortable!  Getting debriefed on your performance can be some stressful stuff.  I always knew I worked hard but always wondered how things were going to go on the evaluation debrief.  Pick a quiet spot, welcome your person with a smile and make some small talk before lunging into the crux of the debrief.

4.  Be Honest! I hated it when the person debriefing me would “talk around” a subject and not about what I needed to work on.  Give it straight!  Would you torture someone by slowly pulling off a band aid or would you yank it off quickly?  Hit it quick, honest and forthright.  Trust me, they’ll respect you MORE in the morning for it.

5.  Use the Goldilock’s Principle for Targets (Keep Them Just Right)! I like a good challenge but too many (or too few) can have an opposite effect on my long term performance.  Keep performance targets “just right” when thinking about personal and professional goals.  Ask your team member to give you a few, you contribute a few, come to a consensus on timelines and then document it .  Targets without action steps to get there is like being on the right track but just sitting there (eventually you’ll get run over).

6.  Give it like YOU’D want it. We’ve all been there, done that and have the war wounds to prove it.  We’ve gotten great appraisals and some that were like giving birth (I’m speculating) so we should know how we’d want to receive one.  Think through the process as if you were giving it to yourself and treat the other person accordingly…fair, consistent, and factual.

These aren’t the ONLY things needed to give a great performance review but they are SIX things that helped me make the most of the one’s I did (and, like I said, I’ve done a lot of them).  Keep it real and remember that you’ve been on the other side of the desk.

We can’t run optimally or reach our true potential when we are running on negative emotion and anger.  Doing this is like putting bad gas into our tanks - it’s going to cause some performance problems!  Leading others starts with leading yourself.  When you feel the weight of life bearing down on you and negativity starting to swell, try one of these strategies.

Talk It Out
When I bottle my anger up, it’s going to come out some time and when it does, it is usually MUCH WORSE than if I had addressed it head on in the first place.  If I have something that is bothering me, I’ll talk about it with a trusted friend or someone that can help me with the situation.  This can help me not only get it out there but also get another perspective on the issue.  No two people looking at the same thing will perceive it the same way.  Get a second opinion and get it out there.  If it involves a person, open up lines of communication and let them know.  From my end, there’s nothing worse than someone being angry and me not knowing why.  If I know, I can do something about it.

Find The Humor
I found the humor in the second grade antics of the man at the airport even if he didn’t.  If I were he, would I have found it as funny?  Maybe not but I certainly could’ve found something funny to think about to get my mind out of the spiral of negativity.  That’s all we need sometimes is one thing to help us get over the hump and get back to business.  I have several “fail safes” for bringing a smile to my face (most of them involve my wife and kids - they continually make me laugh).  Take a mental break by finding the funny, smiling, and moving on.

Divert Your Attention
The single best application I purchased for my iPhone this year is Scrabble!  Traveling can have its stressful moments.  Being delayed, diverted or cancelled can be enough to drive one crazy!  Why?  Because I’m not in control!  Many times with anger what we’re dealing with is control and predictability.  If we lose control or can’t predict what’s going happen, anger can be a result.  What can I control?  Myself!  I can control where my attention goes and what I cam going to pay attention to.  I can’t control the airline but I CAN control what letters make a fabulous word in scrabble.  Pick something that works for you.  It could be exercise, reading, watching a fun video - anything that diverts your attention for that moment where you might do or say something destructive that is going to be regretted.

These are just three practical strategies I use for leading myself when the world is trying to lead me astray.   Deciding to use one of them comes at a moment of choice.  But when I choose to use a strategy I have control of the situation and it doesn’t have control over me.  It allows me to be at my best, give my best, and help others do the same.  Make a choice to enjoy more and stress less.  I think you’ll like the results!

From that day forward I have worked to link people to value by valuing them in three ways.

First, I value the person. Each person brings something unique to the team. I have always envied my “Spock like” logical co-workers who approach each task as if they’re about to perform brain surgery. That’s not me and not in my “gift set.” What I do bring is passion for the task and creativity in getting it done. Those that have recognized this and valued it, motivated me to do more. As a supervisor, when I took the time to get to know my people, know their gifts and fit the job to their strengths, we were able to get more done as a team - each and every time.

Second, I value the contribution. Let’s face it, we spend most of our waking hours at work or thinking about work. In the end, work has to mean more than just a paycheck. Each of us (including myself) wants to feel that we’re making a difference in some way - that our contribution to the end result matters. The easiest way to let people know is, yes, to just tell them. Just as my supervisor communicated the importance of my contribution to the end result, I have worked to let others know the same. Telling a person is the first step - rewards are the second (a THANK YOU is a great start).

Third, I value the relationship. I’ve had very few jobs in my life where I woke up and thought, “HOLY CRAP!! I GET TO DO THIS TODAY!” For me, the joy in work has come partly from the type of work but mostly from the people I worked with. If we enjoyed each other, had fun, and were able to connect on a personal level, I was in my element. I am not saying that I have to be everyone’s best friend. That’s not possible. But, I am saying that we, as leaders, can create the type of environment where people flourish.  This is done by sharing our time, our talents and our story. Anytime I’ve shared my story with another, it shared my humanity and encouraged them to do the same.

In today’s world, we’re all trying to do more with less and leverage what little we have left. Why not leverage the only real assets in our organization that matter - our people! If we want more value, it starts with relaying the value. By valuing the person, the contribution, and the relationship, your team will go further than you ever thought possible (and probably enjoy the trip a little more too).

Commit
Stepping into a scene with “I suck, this sucks, or we suck!” written across my forehead is the surest way to disconnect with a scene member or an audience.  The same is true for solid team work.  I know it’s not always easy.  Believe me, I’ve been on teams (and in scenes on stage) where I didn’t always know where we were going or what my part was.  Regardless of the circumstance, I threw my whole self into the mix.  Doubt, dissention, and disagreements can quickly dissolve a team dynamic.  What we get as a mission or premise is irrelevant if we’re going to help our team move forward  - give it your all, give of yourself, and give it freely.  Keep insecurities and instabilities to yourself and commit!

Gifts
On my first day of improv class, our teacher shared that, “In improv, there are no mistakes, only gifts.”  What a fantastic premise!  What if we took this thought into our team decision-making matrixes?  How many times has your team been paralyzed from making any decision due to fear of making the wrong decision?  What if fear was taken off the table and a mistake was looked at as a “gift” or an “opportunity to learn?”  In today’s world, failing to make a decision is a decision to fail.  Every great team I have been on took risks, explored new avenues, and stepped out in possibility.  All it takes is an outlook change - “mistakes” quickly become gifts when we decide to extract something positive from the experience.  Give that gift to your team and yourself!

It’s Not About You
The thing I loved the most about this past year has been the feeling that, no matter what, I knew the person on stage had my back and I had theirs.  I’ve been on a few teams where I KNEW that but I’ve also been on some where people were more interested in serving themselves than the cause or each other.   Like great teamwork, improv is about serving one another.  How can I support this?  How can I support you?  What can I do to make this better and further the scene (cause)?  These are all questions that should be asked when looking to move your team forward.  Serving others and the cause can only help to make EVERYONE look great.  Die to self and give it to the team!  Move that scene forward!

This past year of improv training was extraordinary!  I learned a lot about myself and was able to re-connect with some of the facets of teamwork that I had always enjoyed and also enjoyed myself during the process (which is a MUST for me).  Now it’s time to clap, say “FREEZE!” and tag your way into a new scene that is filled with renewed commitment, a decision to give and take gifts, and serve others.  Make it count - Improv to Improve YOUR TEAM!

Although it was a nickname I did NOT want to identify with, I did lose the weight and (little did I know) that this introduction to military service was, in fact, the best thing to ever happen to me.  Prior to this, I had never quite felt like a part of anything.  This grouping of misfits, outcasts, and socially questionable people came to be my family - a community of people that bonded together when times were tight, stressors were high and jobs needed to get done.  Throughout my 22 years of service, it was never about the team, it was about the community - what we could do as a group that was commendable, worth doing, and enjoyable (most of the time) while we were accomplishing it.   The Encarta Dictionary defines community as “a group of people with shared interests within society.”  Communities of people get more done - leveraging their differences as one force for the good of the whole.  Are you building great communities?  Here’s how to tell:

Rapport

Although a little tough, in retrospect, what the “fatboy” comment taught me was that we were all humbly in the same boat.  Yes, I was able to stencil my uniforms quicker than the gent next to me but that didn’t make me any better.  Regardless of where we come from or, even, how long our last name is (or isn’t), communities do not foster competition between members.  Rather, they foster a oneness of purpose and of shared meaning.    Shared meaning, organizationally, gives a group a focal point for communicating and moving forward.  As a leader, I never hesitated to roll up my sleeves and get dirty.  This helped in creating the “we’re all in this together” rapport that was needed to hamper competition, leverage individual strengths, and foster oneness of purpose.  Rapport builds relationships and, quite simply, binds us emotionally together.

Reciprocity

What I love about my community now is the same thing I loved about being in the Navy.  I always know that someone has my back.  Currently, if I get up earlier than my neighbor on a snowy day, I take care of his walkway.  On days he’s up and at it early, he does the same.  After being jolted by the bolstering voice of the Company Commander while stenciling, I reached over and helped my long lettered neighbor get through his mess.  Yes, at the time, I would have done anything to get the focus off my portliness but helping my neighbor did the trick.  I was left alone and slapped on my portly back for helping out a shipmate.  Building a community within your organization doesn’t have to take a negative spin and can be as easy.  It’s as easy as rewarding those who go out of their way to lend a hand to another.  What are the mechanisms in place to recognize and reward that kind of servant stewardship where you are?

Recreation

Having fun is the social grease that makes the community machine function smoothly.  What’s best is that recreation helps to build rapport and the want to help each other out.  I like to think of it like this:  When I know and laugh with someone, I know them on a different plane - more personally.  We’ve communed in way that is unique and binding.  During my boot camp months, our group perpetually laughed at the incongruent nature of our lives and how we ended up there at that place.  We also laughed at our mistakes as we helped each other get better.  My current community has the same feel when we get together to barbecue in the backyard or meet at the school for an ice cream social.  This is the easiest thing we can do to build community in our workplaces - let off the gas and allow people to have fun, laugh, and enjoy what they do and who they do it with.

In the end, I enjoy being part of a community much more than being on a team.  The feel is just different.  When I’m part of a community, I don’t feel encumbered by rank, title, or circumstance - I feel free to explore, speak up, and contribute because I know that I have something that provides value to the whole and we’re all in this together.  I’ll never forget that day stenciling (nearly naked and ashamed).  Not because I was “called out” for  being a fatboy but because it was my introduction to a community of people that served each other and served something larger than themselves.