Build Communities
January 3, 2011 by admin
Filed under Uncategorized
Standing there (in nothing but a large pair of boxer shorts) during my first 2 days of Navy Boot Camp, I stenciled my clothes as quickly as my chubby hands could get them done while the person next to me, obviously stressed, was crying as he was doing his within the allotted time limits (quietly, I was thankful that my last name was only four letters and not 10 like his). Abruptly, a loud bellow came from the front of the room, “Hey, Fatboy! You gonna lose that spare tire while you’re here!?” Shaken by the decibel level increase, I looked up and looked around. My eyes then met the originator of the call. “Yes, Fatboy, I’m talking to you!” I nodded, and called back, “Yes, sir, I’m going to lose it!”
Although it was a nickname I did NOT want to identify with, I did lose the weight and (little did I know) that this introduction to military service was, in fact, the best thing to ever happen to me. Prior to this, I had never quite felt like a part of anything. This grouping of misfits, outcasts, and socially questionable people came to be my family - a community of people that bonded together when times were tight, stressors were high and jobs needed to get done. Throughout my 22 years of service, it was never about the team, it was about the community - what we could do as a group that was commendable, worth doing, and enjoyable (most of the time) while we were accomplishing it. The Encarta Dictionary defines community as “a group of people with shared interests within society.” Communities of people get more done - leveraging their differences as one force for the good of the whole. Are you building great communities? Here’s how to tell:
Rapport
Although a little tough, in retrospect, what the “fatboy” comment taught me was that we were all humbly in the same boat. Yes, I was able to stencil my uniforms quicker than the gent next to me but that didn’t make me any better. Regardless of where we come from or, even, how long our last name is (or isn’t), communities do not foster competition between members. Rather, they foster a oneness of purpose and of shared meaning. Shared meaning, organizationally, gives a group a focal point for communicating and moving forward. As a leader, I never hesitated to roll up my sleeves and get dirty. This helped in creating the “we’re all in this together” rapport that was needed to hamper competition, leverage individual strengths, and foster oneness of purpose. Rapport builds relationships and, quite simply, binds us emotionally together.
Reciprocity
What I love about my community now is the same thing I loved about being in the Navy. I always know that someone has my back. Currently, if I get up earlier than my neighbor on a snowy day, I take care of his walkway. On days he’s up and at it early, he does the same. After being jolted by the bolstering voice of the Company Commander while stenciling, I reached over and helped my long lettered neighbor get through his mess. Yes, at the time, I would have done anything to get the focus off my portliness but helping my neighbor did the trick. I was left alone and slapped on my portly back for helping out a shipmate. Building a community within your organization doesn’t have to take a negative spin and can be as easy. It’s as easy as rewarding those who go out of their way to lend a hand to another. What are the mechanisms in place to recognize and reward that kind of servant stewardship where you are?
Recreation
Having fun is the social grease that makes the community machine function smoothly. What’s best is that recreation helps to build rapport and the want to help each other out. I like to think of it like this: When I know and laugh with someone, I know them on a different plane - more personally. We’ve communed in way that is unique and binding. During my boot camp months, our group perpetually laughed at the incongruent nature of our lives and how we ended up there at that place. We also laughed at our mistakes as we helped each other get better. My current community has the same feel when we get together to barbecue in the backyard or meet at the school for an ice cream social. This is the easiest thing we can do to build community in our workplaces - let off the gas and allow people to have fun, laugh, and enjoy what they do and who they do it with.
In the end, I enjoy being part of a community much more than being on a team. The feel is just different. When I’m part of a community, I don’t feel encumbered by rank, title, or circumstance - I feel free to explore, speak up, and contribute because I know that I have something that provides value to the whole and we’re all in this together. I’ll never forget that day stenciling (nearly naked and ashamed). Not because I was “called out” for being a fatboy but because it was my introduction to a community of people that served each other and served something larger than themselves.
Fat Boys Can’t Jump
November 1, 2010 by admin
Filed under leadership
The basketball tipped off the top of John’s fingers and, seemingly in slow motion, arced high up in the air and descended down into my chubby little hands. WHAT!? I had the ball!? I looked up, ball in hand, as a pack of much taller, athletic classmates ran to surround me (as a pack of ravenous wolves would surround a pug with a piece of meat). Surrounded, outnumbered, short, and never having had the ball before, I panicked and yelled, “BACK UP! My contact just popped out!” Immediately, the crowd stepped back and started looking down to see it. Now, completely open, I turned and took the shot to make the basket. The ball hurled skyward (again, seemingly in slow motion) and, anti-climatically, completely missed the basket. Then, astutely, one person yelled, “Hey! He doesn’t wear contacts!”
Yes, I grew up a short, fat kid. It was my own fault. I don’t blame it on genetics or anything else…I just liked to eat! Truthfully, I never met a donut I didn’t like. And, although I wasn’t athletic and hated team sports, those years as a fat kid taught me a lot about how to look at life, connect with people, and lead more effectively. Here are just a few tasty nuggets of sugar laden wisdom I can share on what growing up with girth teaches.
Industry
Let’s face it; it’s a pretty person’s world. I don’t make the rules, I (like everyone else) just have to live by them. Everyone has to work hard to succeed, but those with any kind of social “stigma” (like weight) have to work even harder to move forward. Being a fat kid taught me how to work hard, think on my feet when things were getting tight and not be afraid to take the shot - that, even if some maneuvering was needed to shoot, it was always better to take the shot and miss than wish you had. That’s what we, as leaders, need to do as well, isn’t it and what is needed in today’s world? That we work hard and make decisions? Granted, not every decision is going to be right or popular, but our people count on us to put in the time and respond to issues. Even if we miss the shot, credibility is gained through action not just talking a good game.
Loyalty
Lara, my wife, says that if someone “pats me on the head once, I am their friend for life.” This extreme loyalty emerged from forging strong bonds with the people that meant the most in my life - those that would look past the fluffy exterior of “me as a fat kid” and take the time to find out who I really was. That learned loyalty impacted my ability to serve my country and those around me with truth, honesty, and unwavering tenacity. That what we all want in a leader! Someone who knows us, knows our capabilities, and has our “back” when situations get tough or mistakes are made. That’s what anyone that ever worked with me knew to expect and what your people should expect as well - that you, as leader, are the buffer! You have their back and fight until the end to support the team and the cause. Your loyalty to those you serve is key in building community!
Humility
Any fat kid who has had to be on the “skins” team knows humility! That, coupled with the social awkwardness of just being a teenager, gave me an ability to laugh at situations that would have otherwise made one cry. Even when I “lost my contact” and took the shot, the silliness of the situation made my other classmates laugh and eased the fact I had missed the shot. As a leader, this ability to take myself lightly (even in the most difficult of times) eased the stress of the situation for everyone around me. As a result, our teams were more creative, productive, and enjoyed a greater cohesiveness. Had I stressed them out, the opposite would have been true. Forgetting your position, working alongside people, and taking yourself lightly eases everyone’s burden. Laugh often - it’s the quickest way to connect with others.
Although I was a fat kid, I think growing up is challenging for everyone - we all faced challenges, were self-conscious, and worried about fitting in. To this day, I still can’t play basketball and I still love donuts but I wouldn’t change anything about my childhood. The lessons I learned in the jungles of middle school as a fat kid helped me learn to connect better, work harder and lead more effectively. I am confident that if you use these three little nuggets they’ll do the same for you. Don’t wait to make a difference! Step up, stand out, lead large and have another donut!
Take a BIG BITE!
July 2, 2009 by admin
Filed under Uncategorized
No matter what path we follow in life, there are times when we are going to get served “The Sandwich.” Now, I’m not talking about a yummy sandwich where the aroma is so inviting that you can’t wait to pick it up and dig right in. I am referring to a sandwich with rancid meat, moldy cheese, and a plethora of rotten condiments. The kind of sandwich that doesn’t smell appetizing, doesn’t look appetizing, and certainly won’t taste any better than it looks. In fact, one has to wonder (with all the great things that you do) how such a sandwich could even make it in front of you at all. Recently, that’s a question that many of us have been asking, isn’t it? How did I get this sandwich and what am I supposed to do with it? Regardless of the size, stench, or the origin of your sandwich, you have 3 options when it gets put in front of you.
Option 1: Turn Away
Turning your nose up and walking away does absolutely nothing to take care of the sandwich you’ve been served. After you’ve tried to separate yourself from the sandwich, it’s still there. As a matter of fact, the longer we let it sit on the table, the smellier, nastier, and more distasteful it becomes. Eventually, if left completely unattended, it will stink up your whole house, office, or life. This is rarely a good option (unless you’ve got plenty of air fresheners handy) and should be avoided at all costs.
Option 2: Nibble and Complain
There are many parallels between option 1 and option 2. Let’s also note that the sandwich fails to get more appetizing as it sits and oozes out onto the table. The nibble and complain option is miserable for everyone concerned. You are miserable because, with every tiny bite, you remind yourself how much you hate this sandwich and how much you are going to loathe taking the next bite. The people around you are miserable because not only are they subjected to the smell but they also have to listen to you whine about the taste and how terrible it is that you got served this sandwich. Sure, they’ll placate you and agree that it is a travesty that it got put in front of you but there isn’t one person in the vicinity of that foul stench that doesn’t wish you would’ve taken on this sandwich with option 3.
Option 3: Take a BIG BITE and Ask For More
This option is all about tackling that sandwich “crust first” and not letting anything stand in your way in consuming every crumb. You aren’t going to let the stink or the taste keep you from finishing every nasty little morsel of this sandwich. No, you aren’t happy it got served to you but if you don’t take care of it, who will? You can’t send it to someone else to eat when it was yours to devour. Option 3 is all about your attitude in taking care of this problem sandwich. If you couple that attitude with a rapid approach and steady effort you’ll have it consumed in no time. Sure, your stomach might ache a bit after but you’ll feel better for having tackled it and others will admire your iron constitution. This is the path of a champion and the one you want to use!
Getting served “The Sandwich” isn’t the end of the world nor will it be the last time it will get put in front of us. How we deal with the sandwich comes down to how we want to live our life. We can turn away or nibble and complain, but is that really living? Our own personal growth and progression comes through how we work through adversity and tough times, not how we sail through life when everything is sugarplums and lollipops. Taking a big bite of that sandwich and asking for more lets us know we are alive and, for that, we should be thankful! Regardless of how foul it tastes right now, we will be stronger for having eaten it. Personally or professionally, I have never had a time when picking Option 3 didn’t serve me well and spur great things in my life. So, pick it up, open wide and start shoveling! Mmmmmm….TASTES GOOD!
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