3 Tactics For Dealing With the Jackass at Work!
September 13, 2011 by admin
Filed under leadership
My work life has been peppered with people that have been…well let’s just say, jackasses. I’ve always thought of myself as someone that’s easy to get along with but, obviously, that’s not the case with everyone. It could be your boss, co-worker, subordinate or even the barista at Starbucks…let’s face facts, we all work with some people that we might consider difficult. The difficulty could arise from a difference of opinion, attitude, or just moving through the same spaces. Regardless of from where it stems, it can make our work life miserable! If our work life is miserable, that’s going to filter into most facets of the rest of our life. 80% of our success in life isn’t about how much we know or how skilled we are, it comes from how well we get along with people and those difficult ones can be, well, difficult!
If you’d like to get along with (notice I wrote “get along with” and not be “best friends with”) the difficult people at work, here are three tactics that have always worked for me.
Tactic #1: KEEP IT PROFESSIONAL!
When I was a young Petty Officer, I worked with a crusty old Master Chief that, quite frankly, hated my guts (and it was reciprocated). I didn’t like the way he did things and he didn’t like my “snarky” attitude. So, to get along and get things done, we kept it professional. Very much like Dragnet’s, Joe Friday, our conversations were about “just the facts.” That kept personality out of the equation and kept things moving.
Tactic #2: BE NICE
My first instinct when someone comes at me is to come right back. If they bring a knife to a fight, I want to bring a gun (figuratively…obviously). Although it goes against my instinct, what I’ve found is that by being nice, it helps ease the tension. If they bring a knife, I’m bringing a smile. If they bring a gun, I’m bringing a laugh (you get the idea). Take a clue from Patrick Swayze in “Road House”….”Be Nice, until it’s time not to be nice.” Those times may come but 99.9% of the time we can be nice, kill them with kindness and always come out ahead.
Tactic #3: FIND SOMETHING IN COMMON
I used to have a Major work for me that would try and block anything (and everything) he could in order to maintain control. Instinctively (like I said), I flanked the same way but found that fighting fire with fire brought less results than I would hope. What I found was that if I started any conversation about daughters (we both had two), he would be much more receptive to anything I had to say. I would even ask his advice on what he did in certain situations when he was raising his girls (his were a little older than mine). EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING IN COMMON! Find out what it is by asking questions and let that be the baseline for opening your conversations. Even if it’s “Hey, you have parents!? I have parents too!” We ALL have a baseline from which to draw and connect.
In all of these situations, I didn’t become BFF’s with the person but I DID learn to get along. In any situation, we have a choice to make. We can let it control us or we can work to control it. I think that these three tactics help keep the control in our own court so that we’re a little less stressed, get along better and can move our team further with less blockage from jackasses. I hope you find the same.
Light a Fire of Motivation!
November 18, 2009 by admin
Filed under Uncategorized
When I first joined the Navy I, like every young Sailor, went through the required training to learn how to fight and prevent fires. Twenty years later, I still remember that you need 3 elements to create a fire - oxygen, heat, and fuel. Take one of them away and the fire is gone and so is the chemical reaction. The same principles apply igniting the passions of your team. To get the chemical reaction needed to catapult you to new heights of creativity, productivity, and teamwork, you need the oxygen of communication, the heat of a “can” attitude, and the fuel of “will” actions.
The Oxygen of Communication
No one on the team likes to be treated like a mushroom (kept in the dark). People like to know what is going on and how they contribute. Moreover, they want to know you and want you to know them. This can’t be done from behind a computer screen, via text message, or voicemail. It takes leadership by walking around - getting to truly know the team. I once had a boss that did all of his communication electronically. In two years of working for him, he only came back to my office twice. He didn’t know me, he didn’t know my team, and we were not connected. However eloquent and masterful you are at weaving words on “paper,” nothing replaces face to face when connecting with people. That connection is at the heart of “fanning the flame.” It breathes life into it - it says that each person matters, what they do matters, and that you (as a leader) care. Breath deep and fan the flame, it takes ample oxygen to get the fire going.
The Heat of a “Can” Attitude
The word “yes” provides the most intense heat when cultivating a “can” attitude! Yes we can! A “can” leader looks at the world in possibilities, not probabilities. There are plenty of people out there who will readily sound off about how things can’t be done and, just as readily, tell you why things won’t work. This cools the atmosphere so rapidly that nothing will ignite. A “can” leader looks for how things will work. “Can” leaders heat the atmosphere powerfully with their positive outlook, ability to dream, and vision of what can be. Discarding the negative elements that can retard combustion, they forge ahead with insight and ability. An intense “can” attitude heats everything around it and its energy can be harnessed to overcome the worst elements. Be intense, be hot, and heat up everything around you with “can” attitude!
The Fuel of “Will” Actions
Without the fuel of “will” actions, oxygen and heat just make hot air. “Will” actions model the way for the team. They say that not only do you talk the talk; you (as a leader) also walk it. “Will” actions show the team that the burden of forging forward is not theirs alone - it is everyone’s responsibility to get fuel for the fire and you lead the way. The first steps, the risk and the willingness to work along side team members are all fundamental “will” actions fuel that will motivate, inspire, and energize! As leaders, we must continually feed the flame with these fuels to keep it hot, intense, and brilliant! Step up and stand out! The actions are yours to take and yours to model. Feed that fire!
Any two of these elements may give you “smolder” but it takes all three to ignite a fire and get the chemical reaction needed to achieve new levels of greatness. Don’t misunderstand, there will be storms and other elements that may attempt to douse your fire but if you have built it strong, high and continual, it will continue to burn in the roughest of conditions. Walk the talk - your attitude will show that you can and your actions show that you will! Build it big, build it high, and keep the fire going!
CARE is the Key!
November 5, 2009 by admin
Filed under leadership
We as leaders can’t make our people happy. Happiness is a personal choice. What we can do is manage the mood - the “how people feel” about their work, their contribution, and the organization. As a young division officer, I inherited a department that had low morale, low productivity, and even lower initiative. Most of the people assigned had been “written off” as no loads and it seemed as if a black cloud of negativity hovered over them. My first week, as I got to know the people and what they did (or were supposed to do), I tried to figure out what was missing. It’s not that this team wasn’t capable or even willing, vital elements were missing from their work existence, elements that let them know how they fit in and where they provided value. All I needed to do to boost the mood was show a little CARE.
Communication
My division hadn’t been communicated with about their mission. They didn’t know how what they did fit into the overall mission of where the organization was going. To them, everything was a pointless mess of metrics, reports and taskers. What was needed was the “how and “why.” My predecessor had made the critical assumption errors of assuming team members knew what it is they needed to do, how to do it, and what was expected of them. We can never assume! We must provide clarity, purpose and value - then and only then can we let go and empower them to make a difference. Do you want to see a dramatic upturn in team mood? Work to bridge the gaps with solid communication. This can’t be a one time chat - it must be a continual dialogue (think real conversation).
Accountability
More often than not, we think of accountability as being about someone else. As a leader, accountability starts with us. We can do all we want in trying to communicate to our people but that’s not enough, we also need to walk that talk. There is no better testimony to our team about ethics, trust, openness, and consistency than personal example. I had to openly show my team that I not only expected high standards from them, I expected them from myself as well. If they were working late, I was working late. I expected nothing from them that I wasn’t willing to give. Our ability to know what we stand for and openly live those values aligns us with our team so that they know, no matter what, you can be listened to and trusted.
Rewards
Each one of us keeps a psychological contract with our organization that says that the level of effort should be commensurate with the amount of rewards that are received. It can be equated to a scale that works to keep us balanced. If I am working hard, I should get rewarded for it. If I don’t see the reward, my scale gets out of balance and my productivity, motivation, and morale go down. Prior to my arrival, most team members felt like doing a good job was like peeing their pants in dark suit (it gave them a warm feeling but nobody noticed). The rewards plan that we implemented was well communicated, distributed, and publicized. Everyone knew what warranted rewards and how he/she could get on board with getting them because they were involved in the process. Very quickly, the scale got balanced and everything we had been missing started taking shape. A simple, low cost incentive that anyone can do right now is to just show some simple appreciation. Acknowledging a contribution or saying “thank you” goes a long way in telling team members their value.
Enlightenment
We spend the bulk of our awake hours at work. Keeping that in mind, work should be more than a place that provides a paycheck, it should be a place where we, as human beings, can flourish. That means that we, as leaders, have to continually connect with our people on a human level - disregarding the titles and positions that separate us and look for ways we can unite on common ground. I worked along side my team and coached them through every difficult maneuver. Anything we did, we did together and all team members benefited, either directly or indirectly. Working towards enlightenment and human flourishing not only allows for an open dialogue and an ability to achieve more, it also allows team members to get past the issues they might be facing in other areas of their lives because they know they are not alone. Being on YOUR team should be about more than the pay. Make it personal!
Due to a little CARE, in less than six months my “rag tag” bunch of misfits overcame the odds and beat out every other region in the areas that we could compete on. Our department’s morale, productivity, and individual engagement soared. We went from being the team that no one wanted to be on to one that people continually fought to join. As I stated before, we can’t make our people happy but we can manage the mood of how people feel about where it is they spend most of their time. That’s the impact YOU can have! CARE comes down to clarity and purpose - letting your team know their value and their worth! DON’T WAIT! STEP UP, STEP OUT AND SHOW ‘EM THAT YOU CARE!
Take a BIG BITE!
July 2, 2009 by admin
Filed under Uncategorized
No matter what path we follow in life, there are times when we are going to get served “The Sandwich.” Now, I’m not talking about a yummy sandwich where the aroma is so inviting that you can’t wait to pick it up and dig right in. I am referring to a sandwich with rancid meat, moldy cheese, and a plethora of rotten condiments. The kind of sandwich that doesn’t smell appetizing, doesn’t look appetizing, and certainly won’t taste any better than it looks. In fact, one has to wonder (with all the great things that you do) how such a sandwich could even make it in front of you at all. Recently, that’s a question that many of us have been asking, isn’t it? How did I get this sandwich and what am I supposed to do with it? Regardless of the size, stench, or the origin of your sandwich, you have 3 options when it gets put in front of you.
Option 1: Turn Away
Turning your nose up and walking away does absolutely nothing to take care of the sandwich you’ve been served. After you’ve tried to separate yourself from the sandwich, it’s still there. As a matter of fact, the longer we let it sit on the table, the smellier, nastier, and more distasteful it becomes. Eventually, if left completely unattended, it will stink up your whole house, office, or life. This is rarely a good option (unless you’ve got plenty of air fresheners handy) and should be avoided at all costs.
Option 2: Nibble and Complain
There are many parallels between option 1 and option 2. Let’s also note that the sandwich fails to get more appetizing as it sits and oozes out onto the table. The nibble and complain option is miserable for everyone concerned. You are miserable because, with every tiny bite, you remind yourself how much you hate this sandwich and how much you are going to loathe taking the next bite. The people around you are miserable because not only are they subjected to the smell but they also have to listen to you whine about the taste and how terrible it is that you got served this sandwich. Sure, they’ll placate you and agree that it is a travesty that it got put in front of you but there isn’t one person in the vicinity of that foul stench that doesn’t wish you would’ve taken on this sandwich with option 3.
Option 3: Take a BIG BITE and Ask For More
This option is all about tackling that sandwich “crust first” and not letting anything stand in your way in consuming every crumb. You aren’t going to let the stink or the taste keep you from finishing every nasty little morsel of this sandwich. No, you aren’t happy it got served to you but if you don’t take care of it, who will? You can’t send it to someone else to eat when it was yours to devour. Option 3 is all about your attitude in taking care of this problem sandwich. If you couple that attitude with a rapid approach and steady effort you’ll have it consumed in no time. Sure, your stomach might ache a bit after but you’ll feel better for having tackled it and others will admire your iron constitution. This is the path of a champion and the one you want to use!
Getting served “The Sandwich” isn’t the end of the world nor will it be the last time it will get put in front of us. How we deal with the sandwich comes down to how we want to live our life. We can turn away or nibble and complain, but is that really living? Our own personal growth and progression comes through how we work through adversity and tough times, not how we sail through life when everything is sugarplums and lollipops. Taking a big bite of that sandwich and asking for more lets us know we are alive and, for that, we should be thankful! Regardless of how foul it tastes right now, we will be stronger for having eaten it. Personally or professionally, I have never had a time when picking Option 3 didn’t serve me well and spur great things in my life. So, pick it up, open wide and start shoveling! Mmmmmm….TASTES GOOD!
Change Your Attitude and Change Your Life
June 1, 2009 by admin
Filed under Uncategorized
I reached my hotel room at 1AM and wondered what the next day was going to hold for me. It had been the end of an extremely long day. I had left Milwaukee that morning on (what I thought) was going to be a short flight to Oklahoma City to work with veterans that had recently returned from deployment. When I left my house, little did I know that storms were ravaging the southern states and that I would spend 4 hours on the tarmac in Austin and even more time in the Houston airport waiting in line - only to find out that they didn’t know if I was going to go anywhere else that weekend. As I lay there in bed with my mind racing, I knew I had a choice to make. I could choose to stay in a whirlwind of craziness and let my emotions get the best of me or I could choose something else. I chose to focus on coffee. That’s all I wanted the next day - a decent cup of coffee. It didn’t even have to be great - just decent. We all have days that go awry. Changing our attitude can make it all go a bit smoother. Here’s how it worked for me. Here are three focus points to help you.
FOCUS POINT 1: CHANGE YOUR FOCUS
Looking forward to that cup of coffee helped me ch’lax - a term I got from my 4 children that is a combination of chilling and relaxing. Each of us has something that can help us ch’lax. It can be looking forward to a cup of coffee or it could be a myriad of other things - listening to music, deep breathing, going for a swim, or reading (the possibilities are endless!). There are no parameters set on what you decide to use - that’s up to you. At the end of the day, it’s about best case and worst case. Best case, you get what you want. Worst case, you don’t. With that in mind, anything is possible! So, CH’LAX!
FOCUS POINT 2: FIND THE HUMOR
Looking forward to that cup of coffee helped me find the humor in my day. Truly, it was a pretty funny day. Yes, it was frustrating at times, but there were some pretty great moments. Without the worry about what was coming next, I was able to see them with more clarity. Most of those moments came from thinking about the people I had met during that day - like the group that was on their way to Las Vegas and had started the party as soon as we left Milwaukee. Or, how the bags of pretzels keep getting smaller and that if I had only brought a bag of candy bars I would’ve been able to pay for my flight by auctioning them off. When we change our focus, we can see the humor in just about anything.
FOCUS POINT 3: BE GRATEFUL
Looking forward to that cup of coffee helped me be grateful for the things that, sometimes, can be overlooked. For example: Even though the day was long, I had my carry-on luggage (with toothbrush), a phone, music, and was able to find a place to sleep for a few hours before the next adventure would begin. This hit home a little harder the next morning when I saw many sleeping quite uncomfortably all over the airport. Regardless of the situation, there are always things we can be thankful for. When in a tight spot, try running through the things that are “right” in your life. When I think of my wife’s smile or one of our children’s smiles, I can’t help but feel blessed. What is it for you?
The next morning I got up early and headed towards the airport. Yes, I was still focused on my cup of coffee but, at this point, I was feeling so good that my happiness didn’t hinge on whether I got it or not. But, I did get it! The yummy goodness of that cup-’o-Joe percolated through my entire system! Still semi-euphoric from its effect, I walked up to the counter to get started waiting in line but I didn’t have to wait - I was the first person there! The rest of my day went even better! Where before I might have had to stay in Houston all weekend, now there was a new flight and I got a seat. When I got to Oklahoma City, my baggage was there and a taxi was waiting to take me to my program on time. If anything was wrong, I would not have noticed. Everything changed because I changed. That’s how life works, isn’t it? All of life is made up of moments - good moments and, to put it mildly, not so good moments. But, it is also made up of moments of choice - where we can choose how we are going to deal with the things that can batter us around. I chose coffee and it helped me change my perspective, ch’lax, and be thankful for the things that were going right. When you get hit, what are you going to choose?
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