The basketball tipped off the top of John’s fingers and, seemingly in slow motion, arced high up in the air and descended down into my chubby little hands. WHAT!? I had the ball!? I looked up, ball in hand, as a pack of much taller, athletic classmates ran to surround me (as a pack of ravenous wolves would surround a pug with a piece of meat). Surrounded, outnumbered, short, and never having had the ball before, I panicked and yelled, “BACK UP! My contact just popped out!” Immediately, the crowd stepped back and started looking down to see it. Now, completely open, I turned and took the shot to make the basket. The ball hurled skyward (again, seemingly in slow motion) and, anti-climatically, completely missed the basket. Then, astutely, one person yelled, “Hey! He doesn’t wear contacts!”

Yes, I grew up a short, fat kid. It was my own fault. I don’t blame it on genetics or anything else…I just liked to eat! Truthfully, I never met a donut I didn’t like. And, although I wasn’t athletic and hated team sports, those years as a fat kid taught me a lot about how to look at life, connect with people, and lead more effectively. Here are just a few tasty nuggets of sugar laden wisdom I can share on what growing up with girth teaches.

Industry
Let’s face it; it’s a pretty person’s world. I don’t make the rules, I (like everyone else) just have to live by them. Everyone has to work hard to succeed, but those with any kind of social “stigma” (like weight) have to work even harder to move forward. Being a fat kid taught me how to work hard, think on my feet when things were getting tight and not be afraid to take the shot - that, even if some maneuvering was needed to shoot, it was always better to take the shot and miss than wish you had. That’s what we, as leaders, need to do as well, isn’t it and what is needed in today’s world? That we work hard and make decisions? Granted, not every decision is going to be right or popular, but our people count on us to put in the time and respond to issues. Even if we miss the shot, credibility is gained through action not just talking a good game.

Loyalty
Lara, my wife, says that if someone “pats me on the head once, I am their friend for life.” This extreme loyalty emerged from forging strong bonds with the people that meant the most in my life - those that would look past the fluffy exterior of “me as a fat kid” and take the time to find out who I really was. That learned loyalty impacted my ability to serve my country and those around me with truth, honesty, and unwavering tenacity. That what we all want in a leader! Someone who knows us, knows our capabilities, and has our “back” when situations get tough or mistakes are made. That’s what anyone that ever worked with me knew to expect and what your people should expect as well - that you, as leader, are the buffer! You have their back and fight until the end to support the team and the cause. Your loyalty to those you serve is key in building community!

Humility
Any fat kid who has had to be on the “skins” team knows humility! That, coupled with the social awkwardness of just being a teenager, gave me an ability to laugh at situations that would have otherwise made one cry. Even when I “lost my contact” and took the shot, the silliness of the situation made my other classmates laugh and eased the fact I had missed the shot. As a leader, this ability to take myself lightly (even in the most difficult of times) eased the stress of the situation for everyone around me. As a result, our teams were more creative, productive, and enjoyed a greater cohesiveness. Had I stressed them out, the opposite would have been true. Forgetting your position, working alongside people, and taking yourself lightly eases everyone’s burden. Laugh often - it’s the quickest way to connect with others.

Although I was a fat kid, I think growing up is challenging for everyone - we all faced challenges, were self-conscious, and worried about fitting in. To this day, I still can’t play basketball and I still love donuts but I wouldn’t change anything about my childhood. The lessons I learned in the jungles of middle school as a fat kid helped me learn to connect better, work harder and lead more effectively. I am confident that if you use these three little nuggets they’ll do the same for you. Don’t wait to make a difference! Step up, stand out, lead large and have another donut!

I sat there, nearly giddy as a young school girl, as the Admiral announced that nearly all of my wants for my division were about to be granted….funding, manpower, training. At that moment when my ideas became reality, I knew exactly how Dr. Frankenstein felt as he screamed, “IT’S ALIVE!! ALIVE I TELL YOU!!”

When you’ve put your heart and soul into an initiative, you can’t help but feel some personal gratification when it comes to fruition. Even, if you don’t get the credit. NOT GETTING THE CREDIT!? What is that about? When something is for the good of the team and/or the organization, it doesn’t make a difference where the credit goes, as long as the initiative gets done. What I’ve found in 25 years of working in (and leading teams) is that ideas have to be set free and enabled to take on a life of their own. Especially if you need others to get the job done. Bringing life to an idea is more about letting go then holding on. Here are the strategies I use to make this happen:

Give It Up

Much like a mother bird tosses her chick out of the nest when it’s ready, so must a good idea to tossed out to the team to be taken up, built on, and given wings. I’ve had a lot of GREAT ideas in my life. I’m not talking just good ideas…I am referring to fantastic ideas! Many of which I’ve held on to way too long. I fed them too long, held them too long, and let them stay around too long. So long, in fact, that (as the idea grew) it got too big for just one to manage but no one knew how to handle it but me (and it wasn’t nearly as cute as it was when it was younger) - resulting in its possible demise (due to it being too hard to handle or my hating it). Holding on too long stifles the overall growth, development, and progression of an idea. Giving an idea up gives it motion, momentum, and creativity - enabling it to move forward.

Talk It Up

If I have thrown an idea out of the nest and allowed it to take flight, I can’t just abandon it. It may sound a bit cliché’ or corny, but I must be the wing beneath its wings by talking it up at every opportunity. Even though I am proud, I can’t run around saying, “Did you see my chick? Isn’t she darling? Don’t you just love her?” Instead, I must support from all sides by gently monitoring where it goes and whispering to all how it is doing, what support it needs, and how others can help the flight. This can be a difficult task. When pride runs too deep, egos run too high, and the wind that gets blown is too fierce, the idea will plummet to the earth and die. A gentle breeze beneath the wings is all that is needed to keep it airborne. Surround it with support.

Prop It Up

Barriers can get in the way of any ideas new flight. It could be a strong gust from another direction or a huge tree right in the path of flight. The question is, what can be done to remove those barriers? Some may be removed through talking it up but some may take a little more savvy. It might require a compromise or to ask something to get out of the way. It might even require you take a chain saw and cut the tree out of the way. Think through the flight plan of this idea, prop it up, and provide as clear of a path as possible.

In a team, the life and flight of an idea might start with you. However, if you want to see it through, it’s important to remember to initiate, don’t lead. Give it up, talk it up, and prop it up - give the idea the support needed for it to fly. If it is a truly great idea, it will. If not, and you take it upon yourself to raise, you might end up with a overweight, 30 year old idea living with you that eats you out of house and home. The choice is yours! I think you’ll find that many hands make for lighter work and greater results.

When I first joined the Navy I, like every young Sailor, went through the required training to learn how to fight and prevent fires. Twenty years later, I still remember that you need 3 elements to create a fire - oxygen, heat, and fuel. Take one of them away and the fire is gone and so is the chemical reaction. The same principles apply igniting the passions of your team. To get the chemical reaction needed to catapult you to new heights of creativity, productivity, and teamwork, you need the oxygen of communication, the heat of a “can” attitude, and the fuel of “will” actions.

The Oxygen of Communication

No one on the team likes to be treated like a mushroom (kept in the dark). People like to know what is going on and how they contribute. Moreover, they want to know you and want you to know them. This can’t be done from behind a computer screen, via text message, or voicemail. It takes leadership by walking around - getting to truly know the team. I once had a boss that did all of his communication electronically. In two years of working for him, he only came back to my office twice. He didn’t know me, he didn’t know my team, and we were not connected. However eloquent and masterful you are at weaving words on “paper,” nothing replaces face to face when connecting with people. That connection is at the heart of “fanning the flame.” It breathes life into it - it says that each person matters, what they do matters, and that you (as a leader) care. Breath deep and fan the flame, it takes ample oxygen to get the fire going.

The Heat of a “Can” Attitude

The word “yes” provides the most intense heat when cultivating a “can” attitude! Yes we can! A “can” leader looks at the world in possibilities, not probabilities. There are plenty of people out there who will readily sound off about how things can’t be done and, just as readily, tell you why things won’t work. This cools the atmosphere so rapidly that nothing will ignite. A “can” leader looks for how things will work. “Can” leaders heat the atmosphere powerfully with their positive outlook, ability to dream, and vision of what can be. Discarding the negative elements that can retard combustion, they forge ahead with insight and ability. An intense “can” attitude heats everything around it and its energy can be harnessed to overcome the worst elements. Be intense, be hot, and heat up everything around you with “can” attitude!

The Fuel of “Will” Actions

Without the fuel of “will” actions, oxygen and heat just make hot air. “Will” actions model the way for the team. They say that not only do you talk the talk; you (as a leader) also walk it. “Will” actions show the team that the burden of forging forward is not theirs alone - it is everyone’s responsibility to get fuel for the fire and you lead the way. The first steps, the risk and the willingness to work along side team members are all fundamental “will” actions fuel that will motivate, inspire, and energize! As leaders, we must continually feed the flame with these fuels to keep it hot, intense, and brilliant! Step up and stand out! The actions are yours to take and yours to model. Feed that fire!

Any two of these elements may give you “smolder” but it takes all three to ignite a fire and get the chemical reaction needed to achieve new levels of greatness. Don’t misunderstand, there will be storms and other elements that may attempt to douse your fire but if you have built it strong, high and continual, it will continue to burn in the roughest of conditions. Walk the talk - your attitude will show that you can and your actions show that you will! Build it big, build it high, and keep the fire going!

Growing up, my ol’ man had a nickname for everyone. I don’t know if it was because he couldn’t remember anyone’s name or because he thought it was funny. Whatever the reason, if you knew him (and he liked you) you got assigned a name. At his work there was a Flopjaw, Leo, Goliath, and a myriad of others. His naming wasn’t just relegated to work; each of us kids had a name as well. My brothers were Buck, Beanhead, Doodle, and my sister was “Sis” (okay, not that imaginative but it was still a nickname). Either through nature or nurture, this “gift” for naming people was passed on to me. Regardless of where I worked or the position I held, I’ve named my co-workers. Never derogatory - but a positive reflection of the traits they radiated during their daily interaction with me. It made no difference if I was working with Sparky, Sprocket, or Sparkle, the result of my nicknaming was nearly always positive. Here’s what it could do for you if you’re willing to take the risk.

Force Reflection

If you are to come up with a really accurate, positive nickname for a co-worker, it takes time and reflection. You MUST take the time to really watch, learn, and get to know this person. This is never a bad thing - especially when you are focusing in on the good. We spend hours, days, and, yes, sometimes years focusing in on the things that irritate us about others. Taking some time to focus in on the good can help us change our perceptions of that person and, in turn, appreciate them on a different level. If we change our perceptions, we can change our world!

Brake Barriers

Once I would finalize a name (and, yes, it would sometimes take a few revisions to get it just right), I would start easing the person into their new name. Undoubtedly, the question would always arise, “Why are you calling me that?” This question would give me the perfect opportunity to ease into his or her positive traits. For instance, when working with Sprocket (who could be negative at times), I explained to her that she was named such because “You make things go!” When I would call her Sprocket she would smile and I could see her spirit lift a bit. But here’s the key: A nickname has to be positive and if the person doesn’t like the name it can’t be used.

Build Community

In a formal organization, we are quick to figure out who fits where and who does what. Once we have this down, we then start to know people as what they do versus who they are. Add some cubicles and email and you’ve got a nice, sterile environment where teamwork, productivity, and creativity wane. Nicknames add personality and are personable. They are a huge florescent splash of color on a flat white wall. When we know each other by more than title and/or job but as people, there’s no limit to where we can go as an organization.

Do not feel as if this burden lies solely on you. Bring your team into the mix and ask them to help. Here are some possibilities for brainstorming at your next meeting to help each other come up with positive nicknames:

• Rap Names
• Disney Characters
• Greek Gods
• Western Icons
• Famous Explorers

The possibilities are endless and the reward great when we work to know those around us, break barriers and build community. Those are the organizations people want to be a part of - where they can flourish and progress is made! Oh, and my nicknames? I’ve been Chipper the Skipper, Golden Boy, The Professor, Pookey Bear, and one of the Wonder Twins. But the best is the one that came from the master himself, my father, who just refers to me as “The Wiener.”

The stench of sweat, mothballs and fear permeated the room as the timer went off and the instructor said, “Go!” It was our final locker inspection for my graduation from boot camp and we all needed to pass in order to move on to the next “adventure.” 80 sweaty, stinky, and desperate men sped to get all the items from their locker folded and stowed within millimeters of what had been given to us as the standard. Through the cloud of anxiety, flurry of dripping sweat, and flying clothes, my Company Commander looked over and said, “LUTZ!? What are you doing!?” Yes, it looked crazy, but from the (what seemed like) thousands of items that needed to be put away, I had taken my skivvies (underwear) and placed them on the top of my head like a hat to keep them out of the way until I was ready to stow them. I replied sheepishly, “Sir, it keeps them out of the way!” He cocked his head, looked at me confused and then said, “Okay, if it works, DO IT!” At that moment, I looked around and saw 80% of my teammates throwing their “tighty whities” on their head in an effort to achieve the goal. We, as a team, passed our inspection and moved to the next challenges that were put before us. Our leader knew that achievement came from empowerment, not exact direction. Certainly, he had trained us, given the method, and told us the end result but he knew that the journey had to be ours to take and ours to own. Moving your team from despair to dreams can be easier than you might think.

Step One: Show Them Most adults learn best through active participation–show them how to do what needs to be done. Model the behavior and attitude you want others to display. Live the values that embody who you are. These are the things that are needed to lay the ground work for success. All too often we, as leaders, assume that because we know something, our team members also know. Showing bridges the gap between what we think and what really is. It eases the stress of the unknown and ensures that each team member is on the same page from the very beginning. Showing is different from exact direction. Showing is coaching; showing is mentoring; showing is being a part of what is going on and signifies an investment in your people and the process.

Step Two: Tell Them As you show them, tell them what it means. What is the expectation? What is the standard? How is it going to look, feel, and be like when we “get there?” Clearly communicate the value of what is being done and how each person factors into the end result. We, as leaders, need to turn the radio dial to WIIFM (What’s In It For Me) and let our team know how what is being done benefits them. We also need to address the “why.” One of my favorite quotes is, “The person that knows how to do a job will always be employed but the person that knows why will always be his boss.” We should tell the “why” so that we are developing those around us to someday take the reins. Be clear, be concise, and tell them!

Step Three: Watch Them Once you have shown them the way and clearly explained the expectation, step back and watch your team come up with new ways to get there. If they start veering off course, give them a little latitude to explore new possibilities and then, if it seems like it’s not going to work, go back to steps one and two to get everyone back on track. Watch them spread their wings as they soar to new possibilities! Watch your team develop personally and professionally as you, gently, guide the way. Watch out! You will be amazed at the places you will go!

No matter where you are at in this process, don’t forget to have fun! You set the pace! If you want to foster a climate of increased creativity, innovation, and teamwork, the responsibility lies with the person in charge. Through active participation, communication, and empowering people to take control, you will create a climate that is high in confidence, resilience, and team satisfaction! So, get out there! Get your team wearing their underwear on their heads!