3 Tactics For Dealing With the Jackass at Work!

My work life has been peppered with people that have been…well let’s just say, jackasses.  I’ve always thought of myself as someone that’s easy to get along with but, obviously, that’s not the case with everyone.  It could be your boss, co-worker, subordinate or even the barista at Starbucks…let’s face facts, we all work with some people that we might consider difficult.   The difficulty could arise from a difference of opinion, attitude, or just moving through the same spaces.  Regardless of from where it stems, it can make our work life miserable!  If our work life is miserable, that’s going to filter into most facets of the rest of our life.  80% of our success in life isn’t about how much we know or how skilled we are, it comes from how well we get along with people and those difficult ones can be, well, difficult!
If you’d like to get along with (notice I wrote “get along with” and not be “best friends with”) the difficult people at work, here are three tactics that have always worked for me.

Tactic #1:  KEEP IT PROFESSIONAL!
When I was a young Petty Officer, I worked with a crusty old Master Chief that, quite frankly, hated my guts (and it was reciprocated).  I didn’t like the way he did things and he didn’t like my “snarky” attitude.  So, to get along and get things done, we kept it professional.  Very much like Dragnet’s, Joe Friday, our conversations were about “just the facts.”   That kept personality out of the equation and kept things moving.

Tactic #2:  BE NICE
My first instinct when someone comes at me is to come right back.  If they bring a knife to a fight, I want to bring a gun (figuratively…obviously).  Although it goes against my instinct, what I’ve found is that by being nice, it helps ease the tension.  If they bring a knife, I’m bringing a smile.  If they bring a gun, I’m bringing a laugh (you get the idea).  Take a clue from Patrick Swayze in “Road House”….”Be Nice, until it’s time not to be nice.”  Those times may come but 99.9% of the time we can be nice, kill them with kindness and always come out ahead.

Tactic #3:  FIND SOMETHING IN COMMON
I used to have a Major work for me that would try and block anything (and everything) he could in order to maintain control.  Instinctively (like I said),  I flanked the same way but found that fighting fire with fire brought less results than I would hope.  What I found was that if I started any conversation about daughters (we both had two), he would be much more receptive to anything I had to say.  I would even ask his advice on what he did in certain situations when he was raising his girls (his were a little older than mine).  EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING IN COMMON!  Find out what it is by asking questions and let that be the baseline for opening your conversations.  Even if it’s “Hey, you have parents!?  I have parents too!”  We ALL have a baseline from which to draw and connect.

In all of these situations, I didn’t become BFF’s with the person but I DID learn to get along.  In any situation, we have a choice to make.  We can let it control us or we can work to control it.  I think that these three tactics help keep the control in our own court so that we’re a little less stressed, get along better and can move our team further with less blockage from jackasses.  I hope you find the same.

4 Strategies For Listening Mo’ Better

Yes, I’ll admit it…I’m a terrible listener.  I have the best of intentions of hanging on every word that is said but, usually, I drift.  But, it’s not my fault!  I have these crazy monkeys jumping around in my head at all times!  One causes me to babble, another one causes distractions and the host of others just jump around and fling poo on each other!  Okay, there are no monkeys…but sometimes it feels like there are!  However, knowing that I am a poor listener is the first step in my becoming a better listener.

In today’s world, I don’t think I’m alone.  I would venture to say that we all struggle at one point or another in our ability to listen.  Listening is a distinct asset and askill that can be continually honed.  Do you struggle with the monkeys?  Do they keep you from listening too?  If so, try these 4 strategies that will help you listen mo’ better!

LISTENING STRATEGY NUMBER ONE: SHUT UP!
REALLY!?  The first step in being a better listener is to shut up?  YOU BETCHA!!    There’s no way you can hear another person if you’re yammering about something or thinking about yammering about something.  If you want to say something….DON’T!  If you are thinking about saying something…DON’T!   ZIP IT and concentrate on the person that is speaking.  Your turn to speak will come soon enough.

LISTENING STRATEGY NUMBER TWO: PAY ATTENTION
What is being said is not nearly as important as how it is being said.  If you aren’t paying attention, you’ll miss 80% of the content!  Listen for feelings, voice inflection, and watch body language.  I can’t tell you how many things I misinterpreted when I wasn’t fully paying attention.  I once ended up as the only straight man in a gay bar because I wasn’t fully paying attention to what was being said (on the plus side, I drank free that night).  Make and keep eye contact when possible and stay in the moment.

LISTENING STRATEGY NUMBER THREE: KILL THE MONKEY
Monkeys in my brain cause distractions.  You want to kill the monkey?  Get rid of the distractions!  He’ll die of boredom and won’t cause you any more grief.  The biggest distraction for me is this computer I am typing on right now!   Quite frankly, my children capitalize on this and will purposely ask me for expensive trappings while I am on my it.  It’s costed me a fortune in agreed to items that I remember nothing about because the monkey hadn’t been properly euthanized.  You know what YOUR monkeys are…kill THEM!!

LISTENING STRATEGY NUMBER FOUR: REPEAT IT
You’ve accomplished the first three strategies and think you know what’s been said…now repeat it back to the person that was speaking.  You don’t have to do it verbatim (actually, I’d paraphrase it…repeating back verbatim is a little bit creepy).  If you’ve gotten something wrong, they’ll let you know.  If not, you’ve tried your best to get the gist of the conversation and/or issue down to the best of your ability.  BRAVO!

Like I said, I struggle with listening all of the time.  I can blame it on monkeys, computers, children, or the fact that I grew up as part of the Sesame Street generation and I’m used to everything being spoon fed to me at an elementary level.  Whatever the cause, I can continue to work on listening mo’ better every day.  With time and perseverance, I might just get good at it someday (and perhaps you will too)!

R U ANGRY!?

I stood there in complete amazement as the man yelled, “Hey!!  You can’t cut!!  There’s a line here!  What are you doing!?”   No, he wasn’t yelling at me…he was yelling at a another man who was trying to board our 5 hour flight to San Francisco ahead of him.  It was like, somehow, we had been catapulted back into the second grade and a fight was going to ensue that the teachers would have to break up.  At first, the man tried to ignore what was being said but, after noticing that EVERYONE was looking, he sheepishly moved backward into obscurity and boarded the plane when no one would object.  Like I stated, I was amazed at what had just happened but not surprised.   Everywhere I go seems to have an abundance of people that are stewing in a cesspool of negativity and anger.  Granted, in the world, we will always encounter angry people but, lately, I seem to be noticing it much more.  This may sound elementary, but I really think the world is getting to us.  The economy, downsizing, rightsizing, and the constant onslaught of peril we see on the news are definitely taking their toll.

We can’t run optimally or reach our true potential when we are running on negative emotion and anger.  Doing this is like putting bad gas into our tanks - it’s going to cause some performance problems!  Leading others starts with leading yourself.  When you feel the weight of life bearing down on you and negativity starting to swell, try one of these strategies.

Talk It Out
When I bottle my anger up, it’s going to come out some time and when it does, it is usually MUCH WORSE than if I had addressed it head on in the first place.  If I have something that is bothering me, I’ll talk about it with a trusted friend or someone that can help me with the situation.  This can help me not only get it out there but also get another perspective on the issue.  No two people looking at the same thing will perceive it the same way.  Get a second opinion and get it out there.  If it involves a person, open up lines of communication and let them know.  From my end, there’s nothing worse than someone being angry and me not knowing why.  If I know, I can do something about it.

Find The Humor
I found the humor in the second grade antics of the man at the airport even if he didn’t.  If I were he, would I have found it as funny?  Maybe not but I certainly could’ve found something funny to think about to get my mind out of the spiral of negativity.  That’s all we need sometimes is one thing to help us get over the hump and get back to business.  I have several “fail safes” for bringing a smile to my face (most of them involve my wife and kids - they continually make me laugh).  Take a mental break by finding the funny, smiling, and moving on.

Divert Your Attention
The single best application I purchased for my iPhone this year is Scrabble!  Traveling can have its stressful moments.  Being delayed, diverted or cancelled can be enough to drive one crazy!  Why?  Because I’m not in control!  Many times with anger what we’re dealing with is control and predictability.  If we lose control or can’t predict what’s going happen, anger can be a result.  What can I control?  Myself!  I can control where my attention goes and what I cam going to pay attention to.  I can’t control the airline but I CAN control what letters make a fabulous word in scrabble.  Pick something that works for you.  It could be exercise, reading, watching a fun video - anything that diverts your attention for that moment where you might do or say something destructive that is going to be regretted.

These are just three practical strategies I use for leading myself when the world is trying to lead me astray.   Deciding to use one of them comes at a moment of choice.  But when I choose to use a strategy I have control of the situation and it doesn’t have control over me.  It allows me to be at my best, give my best, and help others do the same.  Make a choice to enjoy more and stress less.  I think you’ll like the results!

The Cement of Good Relationships