The basketball tipped off the top of John’s fingers and, seemingly in slow motion, arced high up in the air and descended down into my chubby little hands. WHAT!? I had the ball!? I looked up, ball in hand, as a pack of much taller, athletic classmates ran to surround me (as a pack of ravenous wolves would surround a pug with a piece of meat). Surrounded, outnumbered, short, and never having had the ball before, I panicked and yelled, “BACK UP! My contact just popped out!” Immediately, the crowd stepped back and started looking down to see it. Now, completely open, I turned and took the shot to make the basket. The ball hurled skyward (again, seemingly in slow motion) and, anti-climatically, completely missed the basket. Then, astutely, one person yelled, “Hey! He doesn’t wear contacts!”

Yes, I grew up a short, fat kid. It was my own fault. I don’t blame it on genetics or anything else…I just liked to eat! Truthfully, I never met a donut I didn’t like. And, although I wasn’t athletic and hated team sports, those years as a fat kid taught me a lot about how to look at life, connect with people, and lead more effectively. Here are just a few tasty nuggets of sugar laden wisdom I can share on what growing up with girth teaches.

Industry
Let’s face it; it’s a pretty person’s world. I don’t make the rules, I (like everyone else) just have to live by them. Everyone has to work hard to succeed, but those with any kind of social “stigma” (like weight) have to work even harder to move forward. Being a fat kid taught me how to work hard, think on my feet when things were getting tight and not be afraid to take the shot - that, even if some maneuvering was needed to shoot, it was always better to take the shot and miss than wish you had. That’s what we, as leaders, need to do as well, isn’t it and what is needed in today’s world? That we work hard and make decisions? Granted, not every decision is going to be right or popular, but our people count on us to put in the time and respond to issues. Even if we miss the shot, credibility is gained through action not just talking a good game.

Loyalty
Lara, my wife, says that if someone “pats me on the head once, I am their friend for life.” This extreme loyalty emerged from forging strong bonds with the people that meant the most in my life - those that would look past the fluffy exterior of “me as a fat kid” and take the time to find out who I really was. That learned loyalty impacted my ability to serve my country and those around me with truth, honesty, and unwavering tenacity. That what we all want in a leader! Someone who knows us, knows our capabilities, and has our “back” when situations get tough or mistakes are made. That’s what anyone that ever worked with me knew to expect and what your people should expect as well - that you, as leader, are the buffer! You have their back and fight until the end to support the team and the cause. Your loyalty to those you serve is key in building community!

Humility
Any fat kid who has had to be on the “skins” team knows humility! That, coupled with the social awkwardness of just being a teenager, gave me an ability to laugh at situations that would have otherwise made one cry. Even when I “lost my contact” and took the shot, the silliness of the situation made my other classmates laugh and eased the fact I had missed the shot. As a leader, this ability to take myself lightly (even in the most difficult of times) eased the stress of the situation for everyone around me. As a result, our teams were more creative, productive, and enjoyed a greater cohesiveness. Had I stressed them out, the opposite would have been true. Forgetting your position, working alongside people, and taking yourself lightly eases everyone’s burden. Laugh often - it’s the quickest way to connect with others.

Although I was a fat kid, I think growing up is challenging for everyone - we all faced challenges, were self-conscious, and worried about fitting in. To this day, I still can’t play basketball and I still love donuts but I wouldn’t change anything about my childhood. The lessons I learned in the jungles of middle school as a fat kid helped me learn to connect better, work harder and lead more effectively. I am confident that if you use these three little nuggets they’ll do the same for you. Don’t wait to make a difference! Step up, stand out, lead large and have another donut!

As I crossed the bridge on my way from the train station to the college, the comedic irony of the situation made me burst into laughter. At the end of the bridge was a panhandler, asking for money and, as a very attractive woman approached him wearing what would be illegal in many states, he put down his cup, he looked her square in the eyes and said, “Hey, Baby, how YOU doing!?” As if she would (at that moment) have the realization that her efforts to make the world a more beautiful place had just then, in that instance, been realized by her one true prince charming and that her life would then be complete. She breezed right by him and he went back to work. After seeing this, I reached into my pocket, took out a five-dollar bill and placed it in his cup because I appreciated this man’s gusto! He knew that, in life, there was no luck. He knew that if you want something in life…you have to go out and get it (okay, maybe he just did what other men were thinking because he had nothing else to lose but I still appreciated his tenacity!).

I don’t tell this story to make light of the homeless situation or anyone less fortunate than myself. In fact, at that moment I felt a kindred spirit to this man. He stepped out, took a chance in the hope that something would happen. Many of us wait for opportunity to knock or “Lady Luck” to smile upon us when trying to reach a goal but luck is what we manifest for ourselves through stepping up, standing out and staying gold.

Stepping Up
Anything great I’ve ever accomplished in my life has come by stepping up and doing something different - through taking a chance and getting outside of my comfort zone. This isn’t always easy, is it? I’m just like every other human out there. I love the homeostasis of life. I like my routines, my rituals, and my schedules. The perpetual motion of my routines has given way to ruts, only seeing things the way they’ve always been or even the fear of failing. Sound familiar? I get past this by looking at what I want upwards, downwards, backwards and then taking the risk and making a step in that direction. I don’t always succeed but that one step gives the momentum needed to overcome languidness of life and on to bigger and better things.

Standing Out
The goals I have been able to reach in my life are the culmination of all the people that helped me along the way. Those people couldn’t have helped me if they didn’t know what I was doing. Standing out requires us to let others know what we’re trying to accomplish and allowing them to help. This has always been my greatest challenge. It may be my ego or my want to control the universe but I have had to learn to let go, get over it, and let people help me. The more brainpower and momentum something gets the more power it has. I liken it to a snowball going down a big hill. It starts out small but gathers more mass (and momentum) as it rolls down. Standing out and allowing others to be a part of our effort does the same thing. The more mass, the more we’ll get done. Get over it! Stand out and let other know what can be done and what they can do to help. Yes, people want to help!

Staying Gold
People have always told me how lucky I am. I guess, on the outside, it may appear that way. I maintain that it is all about staying gold - that the appearance of everything looking like it just comes my way, is more about my gold attitude than it is of anything else. Regardless of how bad the situation is or how much a person wants to try to “dull” my shine, I remain optimistic and full of possibility (some have said full of something else but I digress…). I keep my gold attitude through finding the learning moment in a wrong turn, the possibility in an improbable situation, and keeping a solid sense of humor when the clouds roll in. Have a plan to stay gold! Keep a smile on your face, a joke on the ready, and an ability to laugh in your back pocket. It will make all of the difference in your ability to get the most from any situation.

In the end, I don’t believe in luck. I believe that we all have talents and that opportunities manifest when we put those talents to work towards something worthwhile. If we say we want something it means we are taking active steps to get it. If we aren’t, then we really don’t want it. Not every venture turns out a success but for every wrong turn taken, a new path can emerge. My friend at the end of the bridge didn’t get the girl but he did get $4 more than I would normally give him and also earned my respect! Don’t wait for luck to achieve what you want, go for it today by stepping up, standing out and staying gold!

When I first joined the Navy I, like every young Sailor, went through the required training to learn how to fight and prevent fires. Twenty years later, I still remember that you need 3 elements to create a fire - oxygen, heat, and fuel. Take one of them away and the fire is gone and so is the chemical reaction. The same principles apply igniting the passions of your team. To get the chemical reaction needed to catapult you to new heights of creativity, productivity, and teamwork, you need the oxygen of communication, the heat of a “can” attitude, and the fuel of “will” actions.

The Oxygen of Communication

No one on the team likes to be treated like a mushroom (kept in the dark). People like to know what is going on and how they contribute. Moreover, they want to know you and want you to know them. This can’t be done from behind a computer screen, via text message, or voicemail. It takes leadership by walking around - getting to truly know the team. I once had a boss that did all of his communication electronically. In two years of working for him, he only came back to my office twice. He didn’t know me, he didn’t know my team, and we were not connected. However eloquent and masterful you are at weaving words on “paper,” nothing replaces face to face when connecting with people. That connection is at the heart of “fanning the flame.” It breathes life into it - it says that each person matters, what they do matters, and that you (as a leader) care. Breath deep and fan the flame, it takes ample oxygen to get the fire going.

The Heat of a “Can” Attitude

The word “yes” provides the most intense heat when cultivating a “can” attitude! Yes we can! A “can” leader looks at the world in possibilities, not probabilities. There are plenty of people out there who will readily sound off about how things can’t be done and, just as readily, tell you why things won’t work. This cools the atmosphere so rapidly that nothing will ignite. A “can” leader looks for how things will work. “Can” leaders heat the atmosphere powerfully with their positive outlook, ability to dream, and vision of what can be. Discarding the negative elements that can retard combustion, they forge ahead with insight and ability. An intense “can” attitude heats everything around it and its energy can be harnessed to overcome the worst elements. Be intense, be hot, and heat up everything around you with “can” attitude!

The Fuel of “Will” Actions

Without the fuel of “will” actions, oxygen and heat just make hot air. “Will” actions model the way for the team. They say that not only do you talk the talk; you (as a leader) also walk it. “Will” actions show the team that the burden of forging forward is not theirs alone - it is everyone’s responsibility to get fuel for the fire and you lead the way. The first steps, the risk and the willingness to work along side team members are all fundamental “will” actions fuel that will motivate, inspire, and energize! As leaders, we must continually feed the flame with these fuels to keep it hot, intense, and brilliant! Step up and stand out! The actions are yours to take and yours to model. Feed that fire!

Any two of these elements may give you “smolder” but it takes all three to ignite a fire and get the chemical reaction needed to achieve new levels of greatness. Don’t misunderstand, there will be storms and other elements that may attempt to douse your fire but if you have built it strong, high and continual, it will continue to burn in the roughest of conditions. Walk the talk - your attitude will show that you can and your actions show that you will! Build it big, build it high, and keep the fire going!

We as leaders can’t make our people happy. Happiness is a personal choice. What we can do is manage the mood - the “how people feel” about their work, their contribution, and the organization. As a young division officer, I inherited a department that had low morale, low productivity, and even lower initiative. Most of the people assigned had been “written off” as no loads and it seemed as if a black cloud of negativity hovered over them. My first week, as I got to know the people and what they did (or were supposed to do), I tried to figure out what was missing. It’s not that this team wasn’t capable or even willing, vital elements were missing from their work existence, elements that let them know how they fit in and where they provided value. All I needed to do to boost the mood was show a little CARE.

Communication
My division hadn’t been communicated with about their mission. They didn’t know how what they did fit into the overall mission of where the organization was going. To them, everything was a pointless mess of metrics, reports and taskers. What was needed was the “how and “why.” My predecessor had made the critical assumption errors of assuming team members knew what it is they needed to do, how to do it, and what was expected of them. We can never assume! We must provide clarity, purpose and value - then and only then can we let go and empower them to make a difference. Do you want to see a dramatic upturn in team mood? Work to bridge the gaps with solid communication. This can’t be a one time chat - it must be a continual dialogue (think real conversation).

Accountability
More often than not, we think of accountability as being about someone else. As a leader, accountability starts with us. We can do all we want in trying to communicate to our people but that’s not enough, we also need to walk that talk. There is no better testimony to our team about ethics, trust, openness, and consistency than personal example. I had to openly show my team that I not only expected high standards from them, I expected them from myself as well. If they were working late, I was working late. I expected nothing from them that I wasn’t willing to give. Our ability to know what we stand for and openly live those values aligns us with our team so that they know, no matter what, you can be listened to and trusted.

Rewards
Each one of us keeps a psychological contract with our organization that says that the level of effort should be commensurate with the amount of rewards that are received. It can be equated to a scale that works to keep us balanced. If I am working hard, I should get rewarded for it. If I don’t see the reward, my scale gets out of balance and my productivity, motivation, and morale go down. Prior to my arrival, most team members felt like doing a good job was like peeing their pants in dark suit (it gave them a warm feeling but nobody noticed). The rewards plan that we implemented was well communicated, distributed, and publicized. Everyone knew what warranted rewards and how he/she could get on board with getting them because they were involved in the process. Very quickly, the scale got balanced and everything we had been missing started taking shape. A simple, low cost incentive that anyone can do right now is to just show some simple appreciation. Acknowledging a contribution or saying “thank you” goes a long way in telling team members their value.

Enlightenment
We spend the bulk of our awake hours at work. Keeping that in mind, work should be more than a place that provides a paycheck, it should be a place where we, as human beings, can flourish. That means that we, as leaders, have to continually connect with our people on a human level - disregarding the titles and positions that separate us and look for ways we can unite on common ground. I worked along side my team and coached them through every difficult maneuver. Anything we did, we did together and all team members benefited, either directly or indirectly. Working towards enlightenment and human flourishing not only allows for an open dialogue and an ability to achieve more, it also allows team members to get past the issues they might be facing in other areas of their lives because they know they are not alone. Being on YOUR team should be about more than the pay. Make it personal!

Due to a little CARE, in less than six months my “rag tag” bunch of misfits overcame the odds and beat out every other region in the areas that we could compete on. Our department’s morale, productivity, and individual engagement soared. We went from being the team that no one wanted to be on to one that people continually fought to join. As I stated before, we can’t make our people happy but we can manage the mood of how people feel about where it is they spend most of their time. That’s the impact YOU can have! CARE comes down to clarity and purpose - letting your team know their value and their worth! DON’T WAIT! STEP UP, STEP OUT AND SHOW ‘EM THAT YOU CARE!