I love a good mystery, don’t you? Some of my favorite Sunday afternoons as a kid were spent watching Sherlock Holmes or Charlie Chan use their super sleuth skills to solve the most complex of crimes and, ultimately, save the world from complete annihilation. However great contemplating classic capers have been for me, having a mysterious leader has never been as entertaining. In fact, it can quickly become a horror show. Have you ever worked for a person whose reaction to situations would sway from one extreme to another depending on who was around, which way the wind was blowing, or if they had gotten a prime parking spot that morning? Well, you are not alone because I have had the displeasure of working with (and for) “Bi-polar Bob” and “Wacky Wanda” as well. Working with questions, inconsistency, and conundrums erode the trust needed to keep morale high, move the team forward, and weather the trials that many of our teams are facing.

When examining relationships, there should be no mystery - at home, work, or play. If you are the last person to know about bad situations or feel like you’re the last resort, there is probably a reason. The question to ask is, “Am I building Covenants or breaking them?” A covenant is a relationship of trust. It signifies that, no matter what, you act in accordance with your beliefs and that your teammate can count on that consistency. There are no questions and there is no guessing on how you will sail because you are sure and steady. This starts with your own reflections on what you believe, where you stand, and is manifested in how you behave. To build everyday covenants (and keep the mysteries at a minimum), I continually strive to stay consistent by taking the time to periodically reflect on three things: statements of purpose, statements of intent, and congruency between the two. Although you may not be able to change others around you, you can change your behaviors and reactions to those around you.

What Are My Statements of Purpose?

Statements of purpose manifest from the core of my being. Above all, they are what I value and what “I Believe.” For me, I believe in honesty, integrity, family, love, laughter, and the innate goodness of the human spirit. I also believe that each person has been given a purpose on this big, blue, wet ball and with that purpose, a responsibility to ease the burden of others, not to make it heavier. Those values are the rudder by which I live my life. Take a moment to reflect on yours. What are your statements of purpose? What do you believe? Where do you stand? If it’s a mystery to you, then it will surely be a mystery to others!

What Are My Statements of Intent?

Statements of intent are different from things that you “can do” (there are a lot of things that each of us can do). Statements of intent are things that you WILL DO! My statements of intent include that I WILL:

Treat others with dignity and respect

Put the needs of the ones I love before my own

Take myself lightly and find the humor in life

Be honest with myself and others

When I’ve taken the time to reflect and intentionally write them down, they become my personal “manifesto” on how I will deal with people, situations, and also they become a roadmap of how I will live my life. What are the things that you WILL do? There is great power in knowing what your statements of intent are, writing them down and speaking them out loud. Do yourself that favor!

Are The Two Congruent?

The last thing I reflect on is if my beliefs and actions are congruent with each other. If they are, then there will be NO mystery to anyone on how I will (or would) respond in a situation. If there is, something is amiss. Either I don’t really believe what I’ve stated as my purpose or the intent doesn’t match the belief. I like to equate it to when people say they “want” something. If you want something, that means you are taking steps towards your goal. If you aren’t taking those steps, then you really don’t want it. It’s just a nicety. The same goes with purpose and intent. If you say you believe something but don’t actively live it, you don’t really believe it. The two must be congruent or you’ll be swayed, mysteries will continue and covenants will be broken.

It’s not that I don’t like surprises, I do. I like the spontaneity that keeps relationships fresh, vibrant and how it can propel a team to new possibilities. But, I know I am not alone when I state that I don’t like the mystery of how you’ll react if I come to you with less than favorable news. There are no mysteries within the covenants that are built with others; there is only openness, loyalty, and trust. That’s what is being built every day in relationships - as long as you are living your values and openly sharing them with those within your circle. Step Up and Invest Yourself Today!

What are your expectations of situations and people? When faced with new or difficult circumstances, how are your thoughts? Positive? Negative? Indifferent? I go into most situations with the predisposition that everything is going to work out the way that I want. I think it has something to do with me being the youngest child (and very spoiled). Regardless of the origin, I do believe that it is the expectation of things working the way I want that is the secret to them actually turning out that way. In that, all of my energy goes in that direction and (even though there may be hurdles) “it” gets done (whatever “it” is). The same can be true for having negative expectations and talking yourself into a spiral of despair before events unfold.

There was this guy who was driving to a dinner party out in the country and he got a flat tire. Knowing he was in a time crunch to get to his destination on time, he jumped out of his car, sped to his trunk and flipped open the hatch…only to realize that he didn’t have a jack. Panicked, his mind raced as what to do. His cell phone was out of range and he truly was in the middle of nowhere. Standing, by himself and beside himelf with grief, he saw a light flickering in the distance. “It could be a farmhouse,” he thought to himself. It was getting dark, the temperature was dropping and it was a seemingly long trek but, with no other choice, he decided to start walking towards the farmhouse to see if the residents had a jack he could borrow. As he walked, he started working out possible scenarios in his head of what would happen when he arrived at the farmhouse. Each scenario ended with him not getting a jack and being stranded (possibly for the rest of his life) out in the middle of nowhere - cold, hungry, and friendless. Although his building fury did hurry is pace, it did nothing for his disposition. The further he walked, the angrier he got. Over and over in his head he repeated, “I know that this guy is not going to let me borrow a jack!” By the time he reached the farmhouse he was in a rage. He marched up to the door and pounded on it repeatedly. He KNEW that this was a pointless endeavor and that this “guy” was not going to let him borrow a jack and that he was going to be out here forever. He pounded again. Finally, the door started to creek open and there stood a kindly looking old farmer. The farmer looked at the man and said, “May I help you?” The man reared back, hit the farmer in the face and said, “I didn’t want to borrow your damn jack anyway.”

The moral of the story? Don’t borrow jacks. We can discount things before we even give them a chance to develop. We need to set our expectations towards greatness if that’s what we want (or our team) to achieve. When you set them high, the hurdles will be just as high. To help you stay positive and laser focused on those goals, try these strategies:

Visualize

Know exactly where it is you are going or what you are trying to achieve. Sit back and visualize what it looks like, what it tastes like, what it feels like and who is there celebrating with you when you accomplish the goal. Once you do that, write it down and tell people about it. Verbalizing your goals helps internalize them, makes you accountable to those you told them about, and you will be much more likely to keep going when the going gets tough. If it’s a team goal, make sure EVERYONE (from the person in the mailroom to the CEO) knows where the team is going. This gives common purpose and critical mass - both of which move mountains!

Persist

There is an Irish proverb that reads, “Persistence breaks down resistance.” I am pretty sure my youngest daughter is Irish because she lives by this. There will always be hurtles to jump, mountains to climb, and speeches to give. Most will tell you how things can’t be done, not how they CAN be done. I always repeat to myself, “WWWWD?” (What would Willy Wonka do?). He would keep going and say, “We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams!” If you have clarity in your expectations and know exactly where you going, keep up the fight, and persist. Don’t listen to “nay-sayers” who try to trample on your dream. It will go the way of your will if your will is strong. Stay strong!

Laugh

When the going gets tough, the tough get laughing. Stress is a fact of life. Having the intestinal fortitude to set your expectations high and dream can add enormously to your stress load. When you are persisting and the stress is building, take a break and laugh. See a funny movie, talk to friends that make you laugh, or just do some “ho ho ha ha ha’s” in the privacy of your car and you will find that your stress will diminish expeditiously! Laughing sets off a chain reaction of physical and emotional responses in your body that will help you maintain perspective, stay focused, and be happier! You can’t see the horizon if your head in pointed downward. Keep your head up with laughter!

In the end, we get what we expect to get. Each of us is only here for a short period of time and we should expect greatness because each of us IS great. Each of us has a reason, a purpose, and we should never discount our own capabilities or our blessings by “borrowing jacks.” Keep laser focused, positive, always have great expectations and watch fantastic things unfold in your life.