Make It Through The Trials
August 3, 2009 by admin
Filed under Uncategorized
I was two months into my first Command tour when the call came in. It was the call I hoped would never happen but, in the back of my head, knew would eventually come. As the senior Naval Officer in my area, one of my responsibilities was to make the notification to next of kin when a Navy member passed and now it was time. A young Sailor had gotten killed and I had to go tell his mother that her son wasn’t coming home.
My heart raced as I recorded the details from headquarters and I wondered how I was going to be able to handle this duty. This wasn’t something I wanted to do nor was it something that I was prepared to do. I mean, I had gone through the training on the “what and how” to go about doing this but it wasn’t something that was conducive to my personality type - I am a nice guy…a joker…I have never liked giving bad news (especially news like this).
There are times when each of us are all thrust into situations that can test what we’re made of and make us question our ability to handle it. I relied on these three thought processes to get me through.
Best Case/Worst Case
Worry and fear can cloud our mental processes and this is what happened to me. This notification was unlike anything I had to do before. I had faced tough situations before but it was never personal. It was a mission I had to do. Since this was personal, my mind was all over the place on how it was going to go. A series of “what if” scenarios flashed through my head - clouding what I was supposed to do. To see clearly, I had to break this down into best case and worst case scenarios. This helped me through the worry and fear of what had to be done and see just two. Best case, this happens…worst case, that happens. This clarity helped get a new perspective.
Perspective
Personal perspective makes all the difference in being able to get through any challenge. My initial perspective on this, however human, was all wrong. This wasn’t something that anyone could do. This was something that I was given the honor to do. My duty was to take care of one of our own and his family. Once I realized this, my perspective changed from one of sympathy to that of empathy. What would I want for my family if the situation was the same? How would I want them to be notified? How would I want them to be treated? Changing my perspective changed everything. It enabled me to act according to my beliefs and be “there” for those who needed me.
Commitment
Even if we’re given something that is trying or that we don’t want to do, it should still be done with all of our heart. Before I went to the door to make this notification, I committed to myself that I would be the best representative I could be for this family. I owed it to this service member, I owed it to the Navy and (most importantly) I owed it to this family. They had given one of their own to secure what so many of us take for granted. When we commit from your heart it shows in every world that is said and every action that is taken.
Even with this mindset, my heart still raced as I knocked on the door, but I knew I was going to help this family through this trying time and I did. As I stated at the beginning, we all face times of trial. Those are the times we may feel like we don’t have the answers and that we don’t know if we can handle what we were just given. Even though this sounds crazy, those are the times we can be at our personal best. We just need to see the issue for what it is, have the right perspective, and commit to working from our heart. I came out of this experience stronger than I was before and, no matter what situation comes YOUR way, you will too.
Change Your Attitude and Change Your Life
June 1, 2009 by admin
Filed under Uncategorized
I reached my hotel room at 1AM and wondered what the next day was going to hold for me. It had been the end of an extremely long day. I had left Milwaukee that morning on (what I thought) was going to be a short flight to Oklahoma City to work with veterans that had recently returned from deployment. When I left my house, little did I know that storms were ravaging the southern states and that I would spend 4 hours on the tarmac in Austin and even more time in the Houston airport waiting in line - only to find out that they didn’t know if I was going to go anywhere else that weekend. As I lay there in bed with my mind racing, I knew I had a choice to make. I could choose to stay in a whirlwind of craziness and let my emotions get the best of me or I could choose something else. I chose to focus on coffee. That’s all I wanted the next day - a decent cup of coffee. It didn’t even have to be great - just decent. We all have days that go awry. Changing our attitude can make it all go a bit smoother. Here’s how it worked for me. Here are three focus points to help you.
FOCUS POINT 1: CHANGE YOUR FOCUS
Looking forward to that cup of coffee helped me ch’lax - a term I got from my 4 children that is a combination of chilling and relaxing. Each of us has something that can help us ch’lax. It can be looking forward to a cup of coffee or it could be a myriad of other things - listening to music, deep breathing, going for a swim, or reading (the possibilities are endless!). There are no parameters set on what you decide to use - that’s up to you. At the end of the day, it’s about best case and worst case. Best case, you get what you want. Worst case, you don’t. With that in mind, anything is possible! So, CH’LAX!
FOCUS POINT 2: FIND THE HUMOR
Looking forward to that cup of coffee helped me find the humor in my day. Truly, it was a pretty funny day. Yes, it was frustrating at times, but there were some pretty great moments. Without the worry about what was coming next, I was able to see them with more clarity. Most of those moments came from thinking about the people I had met during that day - like the group that was on their way to Las Vegas and had started the party as soon as we left Milwaukee. Or, how the bags of pretzels keep getting smaller and that if I had only brought a bag of candy bars I would’ve been able to pay for my flight by auctioning them off. When we change our focus, we can see the humor in just about anything.
FOCUS POINT 3: BE GRATEFUL
Looking forward to that cup of coffee helped me be grateful for the things that, sometimes, can be overlooked. For example: Even though the day was long, I had my carry-on luggage (with toothbrush), a phone, music, and was able to find a place to sleep for a few hours before the next adventure would begin. This hit home a little harder the next morning when I saw many sleeping quite uncomfortably all over the airport. Regardless of the situation, there are always things we can be thankful for. When in a tight spot, try running through the things that are “right” in your life. When I think of my wife’s smile or one of our children’s smiles, I can’t help but feel blessed. What is it for you?
The next morning I got up early and headed towards the airport. Yes, I was still focused on my cup of coffee but, at this point, I was feeling so good that my happiness didn’t hinge on whether I got it or not. But, I did get it! The yummy goodness of that cup-’o-Joe percolated through my entire system! Still semi-euphoric from its effect, I walked up to the counter to get started waiting in line but I didn’t have to wait - I was the first person there! The rest of my day went even better! Where before I might have had to stay in Houston all weekend, now there was a new flight and I got a seat. When I got to Oklahoma City, my baggage was there and a taxi was waiting to take me to my program on time. If anything was wrong, I would not have noticed. Everything changed because I changed. That’s how life works, isn’t it? All of life is made up of moments - good moments and, to put it mildly, not so good moments. But, it is also made up of moments of choice - where we can choose how we are going to deal with the things that can batter us around. I chose coffee and it helped me change my perspective, ch’lax, and be thankful for the things that were going right. When you get hit, what are you going to choose?
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