R U ANGRY!?
June 30, 2011 by admin
Filed under Uncategorized
I stood there in complete amazement as the man yelled, “Hey!! You can’t cut!! There’s a line here! What are you doing!?” No, he wasn’t yelling at me…he was yelling at a another man who was trying to board our 5 hour flight to San Francisco ahead of him. It was like, somehow, we had been catapulted back into the second grade and a fight was going to ensue that the teachers would have to break up. At first, the man tried to ignore what was being said but, after noticing that EVERYONE was looking, he sheepishly moved backward into obscurity and boarded the plane when no one would object. Like I stated, I was amazed at what had just happened but not surprised. Everywhere I go seems to have an abundance of people that are stewing in a cesspool of negativity and anger. Granted, in the world, we will always encounter angry people but, lately, I seem to be noticing it much more. This may sound elementary, but I really think the world is getting to us. The economy, downsizing, rightsizing, and the constant onslaught of peril we see on the news are definitely taking their toll.
We can’t run optimally or reach our true potential when we are running on negative emotion and anger. Doing this is like putting bad gas into our tanks - it’s going to cause some performance problems! Leading others starts with leading yourself. When you feel the weight of life bearing down on you and negativity starting to swell, try one of these strategies.
Talk It Out
When I bottle my anger up, it’s going to come out some time and when it does, it is usually MUCH WORSE than if I had addressed it head on in the first place. If I have something that is bothering me, I’ll talk about it with a trusted friend or someone that can help me with the situation. This can help me not only get it out there but also get another perspective on the issue. No two people looking at the same thing will perceive it the same way. Get a second opinion and get it out there. If it involves a person, open up lines of communication and let them know. From my end, there’s nothing worse than someone being angry and me not knowing why. If I know, I can do something about it.
Find The Humor
I found the humor in the second grade antics of the man at the airport even if he didn’t. If I were he, would I have found it as funny? Maybe not but I certainly could’ve found something funny to think about to get my mind out of the spiral of negativity. That’s all we need sometimes is one thing to help us get over the hump and get back to business. I have several “fail safes” for bringing a smile to my face (most of them involve my wife and kids - they continually make me laugh). Take a mental break by finding the funny, smiling, and moving on.
Divert Your Attention
The single best application I purchased for my iPhone this year is Scrabble! Traveling can have its stressful moments. Being delayed, diverted or cancelled can be enough to drive one crazy! Why? Because I’m not in control! Many times with anger what we’re dealing with is control and predictability. If we lose control or can’t predict what’s going happen, anger can be a result. What can I control? Myself! I can control where my attention goes and what I cam going to pay attention to. I can’t control the airline but I CAN control what letters make a fabulous word in scrabble. Pick something that works for you. It could be exercise, reading, watching a fun video - anything that diverts your attention for that moment where you might do or say something destructive that is going to be regretted.
These are just three practical strategies I use for leading myself when the world is trying to lead me astray. Deciding to use one of them comes at a moment of choice. But when I choose to use a strategy I have control of the situation and it doesn’t have control over me. It allows me to be at my best, give my best, and help others do the same. Make a choice to enjoy more and stress less. I think you’ll like the results!
Make It Through The Trials
August 3, 2009 by admin
Filed under Uncategorized
I was two months into my first Command tour when the call came in. It was the call I hoped would never happen but, in the back of my head, knew would eventually come. As the senior Naval Officer in my area, one of my responsibilities was to make the notification to next of kin when a Navy member passed and now it was time. A young Sailor had gotten killed and I had to go tell his mother that her son wasn’t coming home.
My heart raced as I recorded the details from headquarters and I wondered how I was going to be able to handle this duty. This wasn’t something I wanted to do nor was it something that I was prepared to do. I mean, I had gone through the training on the “what and how” to go about doing this but it wasn’t something that was conducive to my personality type - I am a nice guy…a joker…I have never liked giving bad news (especially news like this).
There are times when each of us are all thrust into situations that can test what we’re made of and make us question our ability to handle it. I relied on these three thought processes to get me through.
Best Case/Worst Case
Worry and fear can cloud our mental processes and this is what happened to me. This notification was unlike anything I had to do before. I had faced tough situations before but it was never personal. It was a mission I had to do. Since this was personal, my mind was all over the place on how it was going to go. A series of “what if” scenarios flashed through my head - clouding what I was supposed to do. To see clearly, I had to break this down into best case and worst case scenarios. This helped me through the worry and fear of what had to be done and see just two. Best case, this happens…worst case, that happens. This clarity helped get a new perspective.
Perspective
Personal perspective makes all the difference in being able to get through any challenge. My initial perspective on this, however human, was all wrong. This wasn’t something that anyone could do. This was something that I was given the honor to do. My duty was to take care of one of our own and his family. Once I realized this, my perspective changed from one of sympathy to that of empathy. What would I want for my family if the situation was the same? How would I want them to be notified? How would I want them to be treated? Changing my perspective changed everything. It enabled me to act according to my beliefs and be “there” for those who needed me.
Commitment
Even if we’re given something that is trying or that we don’t want to do, it should still be done with all of our heart. Before I went to the door to make this notification, I committed to myself that I would be the best representative I could be for this family. I owed it to this service member, I owed it to the Navy and (most importantly) I owed it to this family. They had given one of their own to secure what so many of us take for granted. When we commit from your heart it shows in every world that is said and every action that is taken.
Even with this mindset, my heart still raced as I knocked on the door, but I knew I was going to help this family through this trying time and I did. As I stated at the beginning, we all face times of trial. Those are the times we may feel like we don’t have the answers and that we don’t know if we can handle what we were just given. Even though this sounds crazy, those are the times we can be at our personal best. We just need to see the issue for what it is, have the right perspective, and commit to working from our heart. I came out of this experience stronger than I was before and, no matter what situation comes YOUR way, you will too.
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