3 Tactics For Dealing With the Jackass at Work!
September 13, 2011 by admin
Filed under leadership
My work life has been peppered with people that have been…well let’s just say, jackasses. I’ve always thought of myself as someone that’s easy to get along with but, obviously, that’s not the case with everyone. It could be your boss, co-worker, subordinate or even the barista at Starbucks…let’s face facts, we all work with some people that we might consider difficult. The difficulty could arise from a difference of opinion, attitude, or just moving through the same spaces. Regardless of from where it stems, it can make our work life miserable! If our work life is miserable, that’s going to filter into most facets of the rest of our life. 80% of our success in life isn’t about how much we know or how skilled we are, it comes from how well we get along with people and those difficult ones can be, well, difficult!
If you’d like to get along with (notice I wrote “get along with” and not be “best friends with”) the difficult people at work, here are three tactics that have always worked for me.
Tactic #1: KEEP IT PROFESSIONAL!
When I was a young Petty Officer, I worked with a crusty old Master Chief that, quite frankly, hated my guts (and it was reciprocated). I didn’t like the way he did things and he didn’t like my “snarky” attitude. So, to get along and get things done, we kept it professional. Very much like Dragnet’s, Joe Friday, our conversations were about “just the facts.” That kept personality out of the equation and kept things moving.
Tactic #2: BE NICE
My first instinct when someone comes at me is to come right back. If they bring a knife to a fight, I want to bring a gun (figuratively…obviously). Although it goes against my instinct, what I’ve found is that by being nice, it helps ease the tension. If they bring a knife, I’m bringing a smile. If they bring a gun, I’m bringing a laugh (you get the idea). Take a clue from Patrick Swayze in “Road House”….”Be Nice, until it’s time not to be nice.” Those times may come but 99.9% of the time we can be nice, kill them with kindness and always come out ahead.
Tactic #3: FIND SOMETHING IN COMMON
I used to have a Major work for me that would try and block anything (and everything) he could in order to maintain control. Instinctively (like I said), I flanked the same way but found that fighting fire with fire brought less results than I would hope. What I found was that if I started any conversation about daughters (we both had two), he would be much more receptive to anything I had to say. I would even ask his advice on what he did in certain situations when he was raising his girls (his were a little older than mine). EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING IN COMMON! Find out what it is by asking questions and let that be the baseline for opening your conversations. Even if it’s “Hey, you have parents!? I have parents too!” We ALL have a baseline from which to draw and connect.
In all of these situations, I didn’t become BFF’s with the person but I DID learn to get along. In any situation, we have a choice to make. We can let it control us or we can work to control it. I think that these three tactics help keep the control in our own court so that we’re a little less stressed, get along better and can move our team further with less blockage from jackasses. I hope you find the same.
R U ANGRY!?
June 30, 2011 by admin
Filed under Uncategorized
I stood there in complete amazement as the man yelled, “Hey!! You can’t cut!! There’s a line here! What are you doing!?” No, he wasn’t yelling at me…he was yelling at a another man who was trying to board our 5 hour flight to San Francisco ahead of him. It was like, somehow, we had been catapulted back into the second grade and a fight was going to ensue that the teachers would have to break up. At first, the man tried to ignore what was being said but, after noticing that EVERYONE was looking, he sheepishly moved backward into obscurity and boarded the plane when no one would object. Like I stated, I was amazed at what had just happened but not surprised. Everywhere I go seems to have an abundance of people that are stewing in a cesspool of negativity and anger. Granted, in the world, we will always encounter angry people but, lately, I seem to be noticing it much more. This may sound elementary, but I really think the world is getting to us. The economy, downsizing, rightsizing, and the constant onslaught of peril we see on the news are definitely taking their toll.
We can’t run optimally or reach our true potential when we are running on negative emotion and anger. Doing this is like putting bad gas into our tanks - it’s going to cause some performance problems! Leading others starts with leading yourself. When you feel the weight of life bearing down on you and negativity starting to swell, try one of these strategies.
Talk It Out
When I bottle my anger up, it’s going to come out some time and when it does, it is usually MUCH WORSE than if I had addressed it head on in the first place. If I have something that is bothering me, I’ll talk about it with a trusted friend or someone that can help me with the situation. This can help me not only get it out there but also get another perspective on the issue. No two people looking at the same thing will perceive it the same way. Get a second opinion and get it out there. If it involves a person, open up lines of communication and let them know. From my end, there’s nothing worse than someone being angry and me not knowing why. If I know, I can do something about it.
Find The Humor
I found the humor in the second grade antics of the man at the airport even if he didn’t. If I were he, would I have found it as funny? Maybe not but I certainly could’ve found something funny to think about to get my mind out of the spiral of negativity. That’s all we need sometimes is one thing to help us get over the hump and get back to business. I have several “fail safes” for bringing a smile to my face (most of them involve my wife and kids - they continually make me laugh). Take a mental break by finding the funny, smiling, and moving on.
Divert Your Attention
The single best application I purchased for my iPhone this year is Scrabble! Traveling can have its stressful moments. Being delayed, diverted or cancelled can be enough to drive one crazy! Why? Because I’m not in control! Many times with anger what we’re dealing with is control and predictability. If we lose control or can’t predict what’s going happen, anger can be a result. What can I control? Myself! I can control where my attention goes and what I cam going to pay attention to. I can’t control the airline but I CAN control what letters make a fabulous word in scrabble. Pick something that works for you. It could be exercise, reading, watching a fun video - anything that diverts your attention for that moment where you might do or say something destructive that is going to be regretted.
These are just three practical strategies I use for leading myself when the world is trying to lead me astray. Deciding to use one of them comes at a moment of choice. But when I choose to use a strategy I have control of the situation and it doesn’t have control over me. It allows me to be at my best, give my best, and help others do the same. Make a choice to enjoy more and stress less. I think you’ll like the results!
Make a Positive Impact!
September 4, 2009 by admin
Filed under Uncategorized
Each team member impacts the culture of an organization (positively or negatively) because emotions pass from person to person. Fifteen years ago, I was working for a particularly mean-spirited manager. He would spend his days yelling, stomping and publicly chastising me (and I was a work horse!). Although he looked at this as a type of training, I looked at it as his way of unfairly wielding his power. We had worked together a little over a year and, as I was moving to a different job, he said; “Chip, I’m really going to miss you - you’re more than a worker, you’re an atmosphere.” Obviously, his words took me by surprise. Not only did I think this manager despised me, I also thought he spent his evenings devising new ways to humiliate me. As time passed, I reflected on his words and came to the conclusion that, “He’s right, I am an atmosphere!” I tried to impact the people around me in a positive manner, find a way to smile or find the “funny thing” in a difficult situation, and give a positive spin on what looked like negative circumstances - which lifted the spirits of my co-workers (even the negative manager). But there are two kinds of atmospheres - carriers and converters. Which kind of atmosphere are you?
Carriers
Carriers clutch onto their negativity and infect, just like the plague, each person they meet in the organization. If they are having a bad day, they are not happy unless they infect you with their problems (in an effort to ensure your day goes as bas as theirs). This transfer of negativity by the carrier must be satisfying to the carrier. So satisfying, i n fact, that they are not content until they have contaminated everyone in their workspace. I am sure you are familiar with this person (or people). Everything can be absolutely fabulous in their life, but they take the one negative and spend 20 minutes telling you how awful they feel because of it. When they are done, you are drained and feel terrible! Yes, you have been infected! This disease is highly contagious and has the potential to spread from person to person quickly. It affects workplace productivity, creativity, teamwork, and morale. What’s the vaccination for the disease? Being a converter!
Converters
Converters are organizational “rays of sunshine” and they do just that! They illuminate the workspace! Converters are skilled in the transformation of negatives i nto positives. You may think that nothing ever goes wrong for the converter because you rarely hear about it. If they do speak of it, it is quickly spun into something positive that can be learned from or built upon for the greater good. Unlike carriers, converters help to boost morale, productivity, creativity and teamwork. Do you want the best news? Even if you don’t “naturally” have a converter attitude, it’s something that can be developed. Here are several approaches to help you convert to being a converter:
Smile - it’s amazing how something so simple can help to change your disposition.
Laugh - get a “humor buddy,” that person that makes you laugh when there’s nothing to laugh about. This person already knows the secret to being a converter. If converters are in short supply, subscribe to a daily joke email list or call me (I’ll be happy to help).
Contribute - take the focus off yourself and do something nice for someone else.
Play - do something that you liked doing as a child (sledding, biking, building with Legos). Have fun!
No matter what your vocation, being a converter will catapult you to the forefront. If your current environment at work is change resistant, negative, unproductive, and you dread going to work, YOU can make the difference. Renovate the atmosphere with your converter attitude. There are no tools required. All that’s necessary are the words “can” and “will.” Your attitude indicates that you “can” and your actions indicate that you “will.” Be a converter! The light you shine will illuminate the darkest organization!
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